I talk to people about love and relationships every single day, and I've noticed that people get the love they want in two different ways...

Manipulation

The first group of people use guilt, bargaining, rationalization, and manipulation to get what they want. There is always a good reason why what they want is more important than what their partner wants.

"You spend all your time at work. I never see you. It's like we're not even married anymore."

"I guess I'm just a terrible husband. I never do anything right."

Phrases like this plague relationships everywhere. Couples use their partner's weaknesses and emotions against them.

Couples who use manipulation against each other typically get what they want... but never at the same time. One person is always losing while the other selfishly takes their winnings.

There is a better way to get what you want.

Inspiration

Rather than scheming and plotting and seeing your mate as an obstacle to getting what you want, you can inspire them with your vision, and your kindness. When they see and understand the beautiful future you want to create with them, they will become your greatest advocate rather than an obstacle to your happiness.

For example, rather than saying, "We never spend any time together anymore." Why not tell your partner the type of relationship you envision.

"Can I share a vision I have for our relationship? I envision us being excited to see each other every day. Every time you walk through the door, I want to have a celebration for my love for you. I believe we can be the type of couple who connects meaningfully every single day. Does that sound like something you'd want too? What kind of relationship do you want to create? What can we do to create that together?"

Inspiration is a much more powerful motivator than manipulation, and the beauty of it is that you BOTH get what you want.

If you seek change in your relationship, envision your ideal reality, get your partner invested, then create it.