If You Dance, You're Insane...

...say the people who don't hear the music.

The Doctor and the Medicine Man

I recently heard a story of a young doctor who worked in a hospital in the Navajo Nation. One evening an old Native American man with long braided hair came into this doctor's emergency room. The doctor approached the man, and asked, “How can I help you?”

The old man looked straight ahead and said nothing.

The young doctor, desiring to help this man, tried again. “I can't help you if you don’t speak to me,” he said. “Why you have come to the hospital?”

The old man looked at him and asked, “Do you dance?”

The doctor was puzzled by the strange question when it occurred to him that perhaps this man was a tribal medicine man who, according to ancient tribal customs, sought to heal the sick through song and dance rather than using some of the more modern medical practices.

“No,” said the doctor, “I don’t dance. Do you dance?”

The old man nodded yes.

Then the doctor looked at the man and asked, “Could you teach me to dance?”

The old man’s response was thoughtful and inspires great reflection. “I can teach you to dance,” he said, “but you have to hear the music.”

Can You Hear The Music?

In my nearly 10 years of partner dancing, I've come across a lot of lessons that can be taken from dance and applied to relationships. This story reminded me of one.

You can spend hours watching, learning and practicing a dance, but something magical happens when you put that dance to music.

The music breathes a life into the movements. It gives them meaning and purpose. Somehow dancing makes you one with the music... like your body is producing the notes while at the same time, the notes are moving your body.

A good dance to an amazing song with an amazing dance partner is the closest thing I've ever experienced to magic in my life.

In the world of relationships, there are many "dance steps" you can learn to help improve your relationship. There are tactics, and tips, and principles that you can implement with the hope of fostering more love and connection over time, but...

If you do the moves without hearing and feeling the music, the moves never feel quite right. Ever see a couple exchange pleasantries through gritted teeth when they are visibly upset with each other?

Right moves, no music

Have you kissed someone knowing you were going to break up with them later that night... and you just got this weird pit in your stomach like you're living a lie?

You were doing the moves, but there wasn't any music.

Ever agree to sex while rolling your eyes, or complain about bringing home dinner for the family, or give a compliment with a hint of sarcasm, or begrudgingly offer to help put the kids to bed?

The moves are there, but the music is not.

Sometimes we need a little help getting the music started up again.

It requires us to stop dancing for a minute and check our radio dial.

What frequency are we tuned into? Are we stuck on a station of resentment, exasperation and frustration? Are we listening to the exhaustion, impatient, and short-tempered show? Or are we tuned into the music of concern, gratitude, patience, appreciation, acknowledgement, service, kindness, and love?

When you get tuned into the right music, the dance transforms and becomes the most beautiful thing you'll experience in this life.

It's OK To Look Crazy

As you dance the dance of love you'll come across haters.

These people will give you a laundry list of reasons why love is a joke. They'll tell you you're delusional, idealistic, and destined to failure. They'll criticize you for your commitment. They'll argue that you're throwing away your freedom. They mock your displays of affection. They'll complain about their own loveless relationships to see if they can get you to do the same.

“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.” -George Carlin

These people will look at your dancing and think you insane because they are deaf to the music of love.

You're having a dance party in your car, and they're looking at you through the glass like you're nuts. If you ask me, it's their loss.

Don't stop dancing.

Ever.

What do you do to hear the music and dance with your partner? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Why You Don't Have The Love You've Always Dreamed Of

This morning I was reading a book and I came across the following parable:

A story is told of a thief in ancient times who stole a magnificent coat. The coat was made of the finest materials including buttons of silver and gold. When he returned to his friends after selling the coat to a wealthy merchant in the marketplace, his closest friend asked him how much he had sold the coat for.

"A hundred pieces of silver," was his reply.

"You mean to tell me you only got a hundred pieces of sliver for that magnificent coat?!" asked his friend.

"Is there a number higher than a hundred?" asked the thief?

If I asked you if you wanted amazing, electric, passionate, lasting, committed, trusting, compassionate, patient, giving, forgiving love... you'd probably say, "Yes! Absolutely!"

I'll be honest, you're not unique. Everybody says they want that kind of love. Everybody... But it probably doesn't describe the love you have.

Why?

Because you settle. You stop practicing. You stop learning, growing, and putting in the effort. You're busy. You're committed to other things. You become resigned and make excuses like, "Well, this is just my reality. It's not going to get better than this."

I would assert that it's very likely that your love life is be your "100 silver pieces!"

You don't even think to ask for or want more, because you don't even realize that there is more than what you have!

The beautiful thing about love is that it can ALWAYS get better... and wanting it to be better is not bad! It's a really really good thing!

It doesn't matter how bad or how good your love life is, there is ALWAYS room for more connection, more commitment, more passion, more forgiveness, more understanding, more unity, and more adventure.

The world needs more of these things! Your life, your family, your friendships, your romantic relationship... they would all benefit from more of these things!

So now the real question is are you willing to do the work to create more of this "better" love in your life?

Are you willing to ask for what you need? Are you willing to ask others what they need to give you what you need? Are you willing to study, ask for help, try something new... and maybe fail, explore unfamiliar territory?

If you're ready to take the leap and stop settling for 100 silver pieces when there's an entire treasury waiting for you to reach out and pick it up, I want you to be a part of Love School.

Love School is 6 weeks of love training. Every Tuesday at 9:00 ET (8:00 CT, 7:00 MT, 6:00 PT) we will have a phone call about how you can create the type of relationship you say you want instead of just talking about it.

You can't get what you want by doing what you've always done. This course and this community is being created for you because it's time for you to have more.

I hope you are committed to creating incredible love, and I really hope to see you in class!

If You Haven't Asked Each Other These Questions, You're Missing Out On Some Serious Intimacy

Be Heard and Be Seen

Psychologist Arthur Aron has been exploring the idea that you can dramatically increase the intimacy between two people by asking them gradually more personal and vulnerable questions.

Your ability to ask a good question is directly correlated with your ability to truly get to know someone. If you're feeling distant from your significant other, it might simply be because you haven't developed the skill of asking good questions.

Take a few minutes tonight to sit down and go through these questions together. Listen intently to the answers your partner poses.

When you're done asking and answering these questions, spend 3 to 5 minutes silently looking into each others eyes. It might feel a little weird at first, but if you stick with it you'll see that being truly heard and seen has the potential to be a really powerful, and connecting experience.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

31 Powerful Lessons on Love in 31 Years

This year for my birthday I wanted to share with you some of the most important lessons I've learned about love. It would mean a lot to me if you'd read this post. If you enjoy it, or something resonates with you, please share it with others. I've dedicated my life to helping people better understand what love is and to create amazing relationships in their lives, and I can't do it without people like you who read and participate in this community. Thank you so much for being who you are. I love you.

Now, without further adieu, here are 31 lessons on love to celebrate my 31 years of life.

1. Love is a choice you make every day. You don't just choose to love someone on your wedding day, and then you're set for life. Consciously making the same choice to love your parter every single day is incredibly powerful. Nothing has the ability take away your power to choose love.
2. Don't be afraid to be the one who loves the most. Most people never get to experience the love they dream of because they are scared to take the risk to be the one who loves the most. It's easy to play it safe and comfortable. It's natural to surrender what you want in the long term for what is is so easily accessible now. It's hard to risk hurting yourself or someone else for the chance of creating something incredible.
3. Love isn't fair... and that's what makes it so beautiful. Sometimes we are just lucky enough to find a person who will stick by our side and love us even when we think we don't deserve it. If you find someone like that, hold on to them.
4. Love is not happiness. If you're looking for an unlimited, constant supply of happiness, love is not for you. Love is, however, purifying, inspiring, motivating, and an incredible source for personal growth and improvement. Happiness in love, in my belief, is created as a result of the progress we make as individuals and as couples.
5. Love does not keep score. When you keep score in a relationship, it takes the joy out of loving and being loved. Suddenly something beautiful and selfless becomes a source of resentment, guilt and frustration.
6. Love is learned. Just like a language or a musical instrument, we learn love from the society and culture we're raised in, from our teachers and role models, and from our families. Most people have average love because they had mediocre teachers (who, more often than not, didn't even realize they were the teachers... or that they were average).
7. The most simple act of love is making and keeping a promise. Promises are the gateway to everything beautiful about love. They are the foundation for trust and commitment. Keep the small promises you make and you'll never have to worry about the big ones being broken.
8. You have an unlimited supply of love. Love doesn't have a quota or a cap. What determines how much you give or receive is... you.
9. To love others, you must first love yourself. Allowing your self-worth and value as a human to be determined by how other people feel about you is selfish, and a short road to disappointment, sadness, and never reaching your full potential.
10. Loneliness is never a good reason to be in a relationship.
11. It's not what you fight about that kills your relationship... it's how you fight about it. Some couples divorce over what is the correct way to squeeze the toothpaste tube. Some couples grow closer together after working through infidelity. You can't blame the point of conflict for the hurt it causes. Blame yourself for how it's handled.
12. You can turn any moment into a romantic moment. Romance is more often a choice than an effect of chemistry or serendipity.
13. Love is not a feeling. (The feeling most people refer to as love is actually called limerence.) Love inspires action. Love is a verb. Love doesn't wait. Love doesn't think. Love doesn't feel. As Bob Goff says, "Love does."
14. When you love someone - truly love them - you don't seek to change them. You love all of them. You wouldn't buy a cat and then ask it to fetch and bark and wag its tail like a dog. Don't choose a person and ask them to be something other than what they are. That is not love.
15. Love is more about being complimentary than it is about being compatible. If you wanted to marry yourself, you'd be happy being single. It's ok to look for someone different than you. Celebrate the differences. They will make you a better version of yourself.
16. The best relationships require boundaries. Just like football, without rules of conduct, goals, out-of-bounds, and referees, people get hurt and the game descends into chaos. It wouldn't be fun to play. It's important to set rules in your relationship that make you feel safe, and that encourage fair play. More often than not, these rules even make the game more enjoyable.
17. Love requires vulnerability. Sometimes the hardest thing to say is, "You hurt me." or "I screwed up and I need your forgiveness." Nobody will ever be able to fully accept and love you (faults and all) unless you first accept yourself enough to share your entire self with them. They can't accept and love a side of you they don't even know exists. Being fully seen requires true courage.
18. There is no magic recipe or formula for true love. There are as many versions of true love as there are people who claim to have it. you get to make up your own rules. Don't play by someone else's.
19. Never hold back a compliment and always think twice before criticizing. Appreciation and gratitude are rocket fuel for a relationship. Criticism is a cancer to love. Studies have shown that the most successful marriages have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Next time you feel the need to say something negative, ask yourself if you've said 5 positive things since the last negative one.
20. Forgive people quickly and often (unless you're in an abusive relationship). Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt goes away. It doesn't mean you forget what happened. It just means you stop punishing the other person for what they did. Let go. Move on. Give others the space and freedom to change.
21. It's the hardest times that make the best memories and create the deepest, longest-lasting bonds. If your'e suffering, suffer together. One day the suffering will end and you'll be glad you fought for each other instead of against each other.
22. There are few shortcuts to happiness... dancing is one of them. Rough day? Throw a dance party in the kitchen. Have a disagreement? Work it out while in each others arms. Don't know how to dance? Learning something new together is one of the best ways to bond.
23. Love knows no race, gender, age or religion. Love is the thing that unites us. We all want it. It is our common bond as human beings. Always remember, the person you hate has someone in their life that loves them dearly.
24. Sex is not love. Sex alone will not provide you lasting happiness. But sex is an incredible compliment to a loving, romantic relationship. The earlier sex is introduced to a relationship, the less likely the are to endure the test of time. Passion does not typically make for a very stable and enduring foundation for a long-term relationship.
25. Finding love is more about being the right person than finding the right person. If you're not prepared for the love you want, it's unlikely you'll be prepared to recognize the person who can give it to you.
26. Love has nothing to do with wealth, beauty, affluence, or prestige. There are plenty of rich, beautiful, and powerful people in the world who are lonely, sad, and loveless. And there are plenty of poor, homely, relatively invisible people who have a love greater than you could imagine.
27. One of love's greatest enemies is busyness. Show me what a man spends his time doing and I'll show you what he loves. If the way you spend your time doesn't reflect what you believe you value, it's time to either change the way you spend your time, or change what you claim to value.
28. One of the best ways to have an incredible relationship is to surround yourself with other couples whose relationships you admire. Having a good mentor, coach, or example will keep you in check, and give you something to aspire to. You truly are the average of the 5 people (or couples) you spend the most time with.
29. Always have something to look forward to. It will keep you looking forward and not wishing for, or analyzing the past. Whether it's a vacation, a date, or a class you want to take together, always have something positive on your radar in the not-too-distant future.
30. True love requires a generous helping of empathetic, judgement-free listening. If your parter has something difficult to tell you, and you react poorly (with anger or hostility), they will avoid telling you the hard truth in the future and opt instead for an easy lie. Lies undermine trust... which obliterates commitment... which destroys love. The way you listen and respond to the truth will reflect the long-term health and quality of your relationship.
31. Love is the absolute greatest thing we get to experience in this life. It's better than money or travel or pizza. It's more powerful than wars and hatred. It's more exhilarating than any roller coaster and will teach you more about yourself than any university. Love will stretch you and break you and put you back together as the most beautiful version of yourself. Love is what gives life meaning and gives us purpose. Please choose to love more.

Thank you for believing in love, and for sharing this post. It means so much to me to call you a friend, reader, and a fellow human on this earth who just wants the world and life to be a little better and brighter

Your Promise Is Your Power - Break Your Promise, Lose Your Power

This post was written as part of a collaborative e-book called Resurrecting Modern Gentlemen. I hope you enjoy it! You can download the full book here:[jbutton link="http://goo.gl/PLb06t" halign="center" size="large" color="green" rounded="no"]Download The Book![/jbutton]

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It was 9:00 at night on a Friday night. I was sitting on the lumpy old couch in my basement apartment… crying.

My life was a mess. I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I hadn’t been sleeping well for the last week, my relationship with my business partner was strained as our company struggled to grow, and I could feel the stress of my bank account quickly dwindling down to zero dollars and zero cents.

As I looked to the other side of the couch, I saw my girlfriend - the woman I love more than anyone in the world - hugging her knees with tears in her eyes. The last few weeks had been tough on our relationship as well. The choices I had been making were going to drive us apart and end our relationship.

Everything was unraveling. I felt hopeless, as if the damage I’d done to the people and things I cared most about was irreparable. The life I wanted with a flourishing business, and the girl I loved was slipping through the cracks, and I there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Or so I thought.

The word “integrity” suddenly popped into my mind.

On January 1st of this year, I chose the word “integrity” as the theme for the next 365 days of my life. Since that time, I’ve read books on integrity, taken classes on integrity, and done a great deal of work to create more integrity in my relationships and in my life.

To me, having integrity means that I am a man of my word. It means when I say something, I do it. No excuses.

Suddenly, I was having an out-of-body experience. I could see myself sitting on my couch in that moment, feeling disempowered and helpless, and something inside me clicked.

“The reason you’re struggling,” I said to myself, “is because you haven’t kept your promises.”

I could choose to be the victim of circumstance and say that the life that was crashing down around me was not my fault. I could blame it on bad luck, other people, or even just the chaos of life… or I could take responsibility for it all.

I knew if I was going to hold on to the things I had worked so hard to create, then I had to own up to my lack of integrity - my broken promises, and my unmet commitments. Then I had to make new commitments… and keep them.

Many men I know are scared of making promises.

In their mind, promises are just another opportunity to disappoint people. Promises don’t leave room for much gray area… either you keep them or you don’t. I hear the words, “I’ll probably,” or “I might,” or “If I have time,” come out of their mouths as they throw out a safety net of protection to shield themselves from the consequences of their potentially broken promises.

“I said I’d do it if I had time,” they say, after disappointing and emotionally distancing themselves from yet another person they care about.

What most men have forgotten is that promises are the very foundation of strong relationships. When I make and keep promises to others, they learn that they can rely on me. It creates a bond of trust.

As you continue make and keep promises - even little ones - the trust others have in you, and the trust you have in yourself and your ability to deliver on promises will grow. Your relationships will strengthen and flourish. This trust will inevitably develop into commitment.

The Thrill of Commitment

One of the most meaningful things you can experience in life is when your relationships evolve into a state of commitment.

When you’re in a committed relationship, whether it’s a friendship, a business partnership, or a romantic relationship, it means that you and the person (or people) you’re committed to all share the same vision. It means you’re all willing to work towards and fight for the same cause. It means you get to participate in the creation of something greater than yourself.

Being in a committed relationship is evidence that your track record for making and keeping promises has earned you enough trust to be invited into someone’s inner circle, and to participate in creating something important with them.

When a man is creating something with people he trusts, it means he’s living his purpose. He’s expanding, progressing, and growing.

The legendary Chicago Bulls of the mid-1990’s are a perfect example of this. Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Tony Kukoc, and the rest of the Bulls created a cohesive unit where each could trust the other to know and fulfill on their role. Jordan and Pippen dominated the scoreboard, while Rodman pulled down rebounds, and Kukoc dropped outside jumpers.

As they continued to develop and grow, they pushed themselves to the best season in NBA history, and multiple championships.

None of this could have happened without commitment, dedication, and continuous progress from every member of the team.

Growth Leads to Happiness

When you’re surrounded by the people you trust, committed to a higher purpose, and experiencing growth, you will inevitably experience the happiness you so desperately desire.

At the end of the day, all we really want is to be happy. Too many men get caught in the trap of searching for shortcuts to happiness through means that compromise their integrity. Rarely do these sources of happiness last. So they bounce from woman to woman, hobby to hobby, addiction to addiction, or job to job in search of the “right” thing… when in reality, that which will make them happy is right there the whole time.

And it all starts with being willing to make and keep a promise.

If you’re not seeing the results you want in life, whether it’s in your work, your family, your friendships, your spiritual life, your physical well being, or your love life, ask yourself this question: “Where am I lacking integrity? What promises am I not keeping that I made to myself, to someone else, or to God?”

Take ownership of your broken promises. Make new ones. And keep them.

That’s exactly what I did, and now my business is growing, my girlfriend and I are getting married, and I couldn’t be happier with the direction in which things are moving.

Your ability to make and keep promises makes you who you are.

Make integrity a part of your nature, and you’ll find yourself living the full, happy, and fulfilling life you’ve been searching for.

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If you enjoyed this post, get the entire ebook here:

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Love Your Selfie - Day 30

Day 30 - Social/Emotional/Spiritual/Intellectual/Physical

It’s day 30— the final post in our challenge. For days I’ve wondered what words would best seal this discovery of self. It’s quite overwhelming to select one subject that ties together topics ranging from power posing to protein, lentils to laughter and kindness with cold showers. My desire in doing this challenge was to expand our visions of “health” into the much broader and infinitely more fulfilling concept called “wellness”— to create a lasting significance and satisfaction that comes with exploration and exercise of our emotional, physical, social, intellectual and spiritual hearts.

I started this process on day one by asking you to lie down in starfish pose and have an honest assessment of what wellness meant to you. When you rose from the floor, each of you had formed a unique foundation upon which you’ve built the last 30 days. The only thing that remains is a capstone to connect and crown this freshly constructed fortress of wellness.

To place it, you must first see it. So for your final tool of construction, find a camera. You’re about to get the social go-ahead to do what many embarrassingly tease and joke about doing behind closed doors: “the selfie”. Yes, I want you to take a photo of yourself. This one won’t be on social media so don’t worry about your most attractive angle or which filter leaves you in the best light. This picture is for your purposes alone and the less doctored the better.

Go ahead. Take your picture. Now, before viewing it, let’s introduce an emotion that often eludes us as humans: gratitude. Begin by expressing gratitude to yourself for whatever level of participation you’ve put into this 30-day reformation of wellness. Next, reflect on any impressions or inspiration you’ve received while reading and recreating your own version of you. Whatever insights you’ve received, feel gratitude to a God, creator or universe that graciously gave them to you.

Now view your photo. If critical thoughts are the first to come, go ahead and allow them entrance but assess their presence by asking yourself the following 10 questions:

1. Do you love yourself enough to forgive yourself?

2. Do you love yourself enough to forgive others?

3. Do you love yourself enough to nourish your body with life-affirming nutrient-rich food the way nature intended?

4. Do you love yourself enough to exercise your body, to stretch, build and strengthen its physical abilities?

5. Do you love yourself enough to seek for eternal truth for both soul and spirit?

6. Do you love yourself enough to live in the moment — to forget the past and not worry so much about the future — to be "present" in every moment of your life?

7. Do you love yourself enough to be kind? Not only to be gentle and giving to others but also to be tender with self?

8. Do you love yourself enough to set aside essential time for sleep and rest?

9. Do you love yourself enough to consistently expand your mind by learning new things and embracing new experiences?

10. Do you love yourself enough to have fun, to laugh, to have joy, to release stress, relax and take the time to re-energize?

These 10 questions should sound familiar if you’ve followed along on this journey. They address many of the critical aspects of wellness we’ve been exploring— and most importantly they all have one common denominator: a deep and enduring love of self.

I described it on day one as the ultimate goal of this venture: love of health, love of self. Beautiful things happen, both in body and soul, when you allow your own love to envelope you. Some may say this is the first step in the remarkable God-like ability to give love to others.

As author Brendon Burchard wrote:

“At the end of our lives, we will ask… Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?”

My friends, the answer to all three questions depends on how you feel about the face smiling back at you. My hope is that this time we've spent together has increased your ability to think well of yourself because wellness begins with you.

Daily Challenge

Read the above post, follow the exercise and ask yourself the questions. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and many will be out showing their adoration for their significant others. On this special day dedicated to the celebration of love: do something you’ve likely never done before… start with yourself first.

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[jbox title="About the Author:" border="5" radius="15"] Megan is a Doctor of Audiology, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, wife, yoga-lover and ever-evolving health aspirer. Having transformed her own health, she’s eager to help you transform yours. She believes in power in its purest form: FOOD. Whole foods, to be precise. So pick up a fork and join her in a revolution of habits, health and happiness. A WHOLE new life awaits! Read more about her reformation of health and wellness at My Whole Food Habit.[/jbox]

Episode #53 - Don and Jan Gibson

[powerpress]I hope you enjoy today's amazing conversation with Don and Jan Gibson. Their love story is the stuff of legends.

You Make Me Feel So Young - Frank Sinatra

Social Parsley - Day 29

Day 29 - Social

You’ve just finished your date, interview, business meeting or lunch with friends. What a huge success! You were on your game, saying all the right things and interacting in all the right ways. You’re mentally giving yourself a huge pat on the back… when you happen to glance in a mirror and see it. There’s something in your teeth. Is that parsley? Oh no! You’ve been flashing your pearly whites with perfect confidence, all the while being completely oblivious to the blatantly bright green thing wedged between your two front teeth. That thrilling feeling of social superiority has taken a nose-dive, crashing in a sickening feeling of supreme mortification.

If this has ever happened to you, you’ve likely wondered, “How did I not see that?” Sometimes our social faux pas are extremely obvious to others… while remaining oblivious to ourselves. Another fair question might be, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” Perhaps you’ve been on the other side of the table. Someone is happily chatting away and you notice some slightly embarrassing piece of food in their teeth. You don’t want to embarrass them so you simply allow them to go on. I’ve certainly had both happen to me. I once did an entire hour-long appointment with a patient and family and upon returning to my office saw a large, black mascara streak under my eye, mimicking a football player about to hit the field. Ugh.

It’s the second to last day of our 30 Day Wellness Challenge and, don’t worry, I haven’t chosen to spend it highlighting simple hygiene. The reflection of such experiences brings up an interesting and thought-provoking question for each of us: Is there something unsightly in your daily interactions with friends, family or co-workers that you’re not seeing? Is that “social parsley” glaringly obvious to others but oblivious to yourself?

Dr. Tom Brunner, psychologist, counselor and consultant, refers to these unpleasant traits as “personality derailers”— and chew on this:

Just 2% of a person’s personality that is unpleasant can undermine the other 98% of their make-up that is positive and good.

Think about it. Have you ever said, “I really like (insert name) except they are so ______.” That one personality trait skews the potential for trust, interaction or enjoyment in your relationship with them. The sad part is, if you’ve noticed, likely so has someone else. Unfortunately, this person continues flashing their “social parsley” all over town without the slightest idea of their conspicuous being conspicious. Dr. Brunner discusses ten of these character flaws, all summarized below. As you read about each, pull out your personal mirror and take a good look— are any of these stuck in your teeth?

Enviousness: You aren’t truly happy for others’ success, and often try to match their accomplishments in an endless game of “Keeping up with the Joneses”.

Defensiveness: You are unwilling or reactive to accept corrections or criticism. As Dr. Brunner says, “Generally hypersensitive people don’t mature- they just grow old.”

Aloofness: Your cold and distant behaviors preclude others from being influenced or inspired by your positive qualities.

Volatility: You are overly emotional, thriving on attention and being unable to focus on anyone other than yourself.

Eccentricity: You may be successful at making the group laugh but your idiosyncrasies often stand in the way of progress and deeper relationships

Entitlement: An epidemic in society— you believe you deserve everything you want or receive.

Unreliability: You are unpredictable, not trustworthy and few people confide in you.

Eagerness to please: Your desire to please often drowns out your honest opinion. This suppression of true feelings can build up and spontaneously combust at times.

Moral scrupulousness: No one person or act escapes your critical eye. Your greatest example is yourself.

Deconstructive comments: A superfluous amount of sarcastic and cutting remarks cause people to avoid interactions with you and prevent meaningful relationships.

Did you feel some uncomfortable self-awareness gnawing at you as you read this? If so, did you ask yourself, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” Your friends, family members, coworkers and acquaintances may tell you when you have something in your teeth but will likely hesitate when it comes to personality derailers.

It is usually embarrassing at first, for both parties, to draw attention to the unattractive. However, it is far better to know and correct the behavior than continue unknowingly deterring people and relationships. This is why this post is so important— not so you will have permission to inform everyone of their flaws but rather, that you may gather the courage to genuinely ask those most familiar to you, what character flaws you might remove with a little social cleaning.

In order to do this successfully, one very critical participant must also be present: humility. Do not, I repeat, do not ask someone for their feedback regarding your personality and character if you are not prepared to receive an honest answer. This is why I recommend you take time to consider and only ask three people that you truly care for and hold in high-esteem. These people likely have similar feelings towards you and your request for their honest feedback is more inclined to come with constructive and quality criticism cushioned between expressions of love and admiration.

I’ve purposefully saved this self-discovery post to be one of the last. Why? Because it is likely one of the most exposing, yet effective, exercises you’ve been challenged to do. This one takes a kind of courage most of us shun like the plague: vulnerability.

As Brene Brown once said, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness.” 

This leads to my ultimate question: Do you have the strength of character to open wide and inquire about your own “social parsley”?

Daily Challenge

Take some time to select three people whose opinions you deeply respect and who have a good understanding of who you are as a person. Once you’ve chosen them, find time to talk with each individually where neither of you are stressed and you are both without time constraints. Be genuine in your request to them regarding your desire to improve your personality and correct flaws to which you may be unaware. When this person you love provides feedback, your job is twofold: listen and learn. Do not justify your actions or become defensive— remember that you initiated this conversation. When finished, write down your feelings regarding the feedback you’ve received. Think of ways you might start removing your own “social parsley”. Make a commitment to yourself and keep it. As you do, your only future surprise in your reflection will be the strength of character smiling back at you.

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[jbox title="About the Author:" border="5" radius="15"] Megan is a Doctor of Audiology, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, wife, yoga-lover and ever-evolving health aspirer. Having transformed her own health, she’s eager to help you transform yours. She believes in power in its purest form: FOOD. Whole foods, to be precise. So pick up a fork and join her in a revolution of habits, health and happiness. A WHOLE new life awaits! Read more about her reformation of health and wellness at My Whole Food Habit.[/jbox]

Love to Laugh - Day 28

Day 28 - Emotional/Physical

• [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOMqqI-kzHY[/embed]
• “We love to laugh
• Loud and long and clear
• We love to laugh
• So ev'rybody can hear
• The more you laugh
• The more you fill with glee
• And the more the glee
• The more we're a merrier we
• The more I'm a merrier me!”

They’re popular lyrics from the beloved children’s classic, Mary Poppins. But is there truth behind this silly song? We may not be floating around the ceiling as Uncle Albert does in this particular scene, but there are several reasons why laughing makes our spirits go sky high.

We’ve all experienced a down moment or day when laughter has lightened our mood. However, “getting your guffaw on” does more than just provide temporary comic relief. A recent study completed with 60 and 70 year olds, evaluated humor’s effect on both stress and short-term memory. One group was asked to sit silently without reading, talking or using their cell phones. The other group watched funny videos. After 20 minutes, saliva samples were taken from both groups before giving a short memory test.

Those that viewed funny videos not only had lower cortisol (the stress hormone) but they were more than twice as likely (43.6%) to recall correctly compared to the group that sat silently (20.3%).

What exactly happens when we laugh? Once passing your ears, that punch line ignites the centers in the brain for higher thought, muscle function and emotion. Facial muscles suddenly begin to spontaneously contract. Your diaphragm and chest muscles tighten, forcing air out of your lungs with a big “whoosh” while your vocal cords vibrate to emit short “ha ha has”. The sudden exit of air from the lungs increases your heart rate and blood pressure, as oxygen is sent to your organs. If it’s really funny (or just about every time if your name is Michael Mansfield) your eyes may start to water. Aside from your face and stomach muscles, the rest of your body becomes weaker and more relaxed. Hormonally, endorphins are released— the same ones released when exercising— providing an over all lowering in the body’s stress response. This comedic chain reaction is shown to be contagious as well. This uncontrollable spread of snickers is thought to be an early bonding mechanism, meaning those you laugh with, you’re more likely to share a deeper emotional connection. An entire physiological reaction automatically activated with one wisecrack— no wonder that giggle feels so good!

“Laughter is the best medicine”— is it possibly more than a common phrase? We’ve already learned the short-term benefits of laughter, including organ stimulation, improved short-term memory and a reduction in stress response and tension (which can last for up to 45 minutes after the funny has finished, by the way). But if you thought a short chuckle was no more than a quick pick-me-up, you’ll want to stock up on your comics, because laughter has some remarkable long-term benefits as well.

Improved Immune System

In a 2006 research study at Loma Linda University in Califormia, it was found that two hormones—beta-endorphins (which alleviate depression) and human growth hormone (HGH, which helps with immunity) increased by 27 and 87 percent respectively when volunteers anticipated watching a funny video. Simply thinking about the chance to chuckle, boosted health-protecting hormones and chemicals! In a separate study at Arkansas Tech University, 21 fifth graders participated in a humor program resulting in a rise in immunoglobin levels increasing their ability to fight viruses and foreign cells.

Relieves Pain

If you’ve seen the movie Patch Adams, the story of a doctor with a passion for making children with chronic disease chuckle, you may wonder about the science behind such antics. Wonder no more. The credit goes again to endorphins that produce a natural “high”— similar to the effect of the drug heroin—with pain-killing and euphoria-producing effects. At Natchaug Hospital in Mansfield Center, Connecticut, post-surgical patients were told one-liners prior to administration of potentially painful medication. The patients exposed to humor perceived less pain as compared to patients who didn’t receive humor stimuli. This pain was also found to be dose-related in another study— meaning the more laughter, the less pain later. These studies are no joke and “laughter rooms” are popping up in hospitals across the country.

Today you’ve got the green light to laugh it up— but don’t do it alone— include your lover in the hilarity. According to DailyMail, laughing together is an essential ingredient for couple happiness. Couples who were married for a minimum of 45 years reported “a sense of humor” to be among the top three reasons behind their relationship success— so the greatest benefit of a good belly laugh may just be in its ability to bind two people together. Go ahead and “bahaha” and “LOL”— funny has never felt so good!

Daily Challenge

Look up the top 10 best “I Love Lucy” episodes, tell Laffy Taffy jokes, find some Family Circus comics or simply sit nose-to-nose making silly faces to see who can go the longest without breaking into snorts and snickers.

If you’re looking for some comedic inspiration, I’m sharing with you my favorite bit by the beloved comedian, Brian Reagan. This spot on going to the emergency room shows there is humor to be had in just about any situation!

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP4zgb9H3Cg[/embed]

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[jbox title="About the Author:" border="5" radius="15"] Megan is a Doctor of Audiology, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, wife, yoga-lover and ever-evolving health aspirer. Having transformed her own health, she’s eager to help you transform yours. She believes in power in its purest form: FOOD. Whole foods, to be precise. So pick up a fork and join her in a revolution of habits, health and happiness. A WHOLE new life awaits! Read more about her reformation of health and wellness at My Whole Food Habit.[/jbox]

Sugar Shock - Day 27

Day 27 - Physical

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and with it comes mounds of chocolate-covered confections and boxes of cutely colored hearts bolded with “Be Mine” messages. These treats, occasionally accompanied by flowers and jewelry (for those extra lucky girls!) are common offerings given to those most dear on this special day to express our deepest love and devotion.

Culturally, we are a people who celebrate with food. Emotions and eating are closely tied to the experience of the holidays. Think of just about any holiday and you’ll quickly be able to name a treat that comes along with it. Much joy and happiness comes with these special indulgences…and I’d take no issue with them if they were limited to that: indulgences. However, sugar does not just make its appearance on special occasions or simply to mark birthdays and big events. It is added, mixed, chewed, baked, sipped and swallowed every day in far too much excess for our bodies to handle healthily.

The average American eats 32 teaspoons of added sugar daily— over three times the recommended amount.

We are far beyond the saying “a little sugar never hurt anyone” as 75% of Americans are overweight and almost half of those are obese. Perhaps even more alarming is these statistics aren’t limited to just adults— one third of children, ages 6 to 19, are also overweight or obese. We are a sugar-obsessed society and are quite literally sweetening ourselves to the point of sickness. You want to talk sugar shock?

One in three Americans are projected to have diabetes by 2050.

One in three! If a third of Americans were to contract some deadly disease in the next few decades, you can bet it would raise red flags, turn heads and stop people short in their tracks. Yet, sugar has been presented to be innocuous for so long that it begs the question, “Are we frogs slowly being boiled to death in our own sugar-watered pots”?

I know, I know. Who invited me to this party? I may not be patty-caking around this epidemic of an issue, but don’t distress thinking I’m only here to rain on your dessert parade. I, myself, have a sweet tooth of vampiric proportions and often crave that sugary bite. This is why I present to you the “good, better, best” concept. Do I think it would be “best” if we could eliminate 100% of refined sugars from our diets— definitely! Do I think this is realistic? Absolutely not.

Instead, the “better” is waiting below: 4 delectable desserts that will still satisfy your sweet tooth while remaining refined sugar free. As I often tell my friends when they talk about the daily difficulties of making wise eating choices, life is about balance. We can’t always make the “best” diet decisions but we can certainly celebrate in making the “better” ones!

Below you’ll find four “better” tasty alternatives to sweeten your Valentine’s Day in a much more natural way. Nothing says “I love you” quite like the commitment to care for your body for all the years of life and love to come!

Chocolate Avocado Pudding

An all-time favorite of mine, don’t be deceived by the avocado, which makes this pudding thick and delicious. No green flavor or color here—simply cold and creamy chocolate! Pair with fresh raspberries for one of the most classically delicious couplings of all time.

Find my favorite version of this recipe at Fearless Homemaker.

Vanilla Coconut Macaroons

An absolute coconut craze, these macaroons are melt-in-your-mouth amazing. You won’t believe they only have 5 ingredients and come together as quick as they do. No cooking-required either, making each bite even more raw-some!

Find this recipe at My Whole Food Habit.

Peanut Butter Freezer Fudge

If I’m a girl that likes one thing, it’s a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. But with 21 grams of added sugar, I’d have almost maxed out my entire day’s worth (25 grams for women) by consuming a single serving. Thank heaven for peanut butter freezer fudge! If you like chocolate and peanut butter, you’ll go nuts for this knock-off.

Find this recipe at My Whole Food Habit.

Blueberry Peach Cobbler 

Few things say “comfort” quite like cobbler. It’s hard to imagine you could make such a warm dessert without the white stuff but this dessert proves dreams do indeed come true! Not only is this baked treat free of all refined sugars, it is impressively grain-free as well for all those gluten-free lovers among you.

Find this recipe at My Whole Food Habit.

**If you’re looking for an incredible documentary on sugar and its dangerous infiltration into the American diet, I encourage you to watch Fed Up for an absolutely eye-opening experience.**

Daily Challenge

This year celebrate love by loving your health! Choose one of the four tasty alternative desserts listed above to sweeten your day in a guilt-free way.

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[jbox title="About the Author:" border="5" radius="15"] Megan is a Doctor of Audiology, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, wife, yoga-lover and ever-evolving health aspirer. Having transformed her own health, she’s eager to help you transform yours. She believes in power in its purest form: FOOD. Whole foods, to be precise. So pick up a fork and join her in a revolution of habits, health and happiness. A WHOLE new life awaits! Read more about her reformation of health and wellness at My Whole Food Habit.[/jbox]