I'm having one of those weeks where I'm coming face to face with on of my demons.
I've known for a while that I have this weakness, but I never really understood how much it was holding me back and keeping me from accomplishing my dreams. It makes me nervous to talk about, let alone confront head on... which is why I know I have to do it.
The reason I write about it is because this demon I'm struggling with has a lot to do with you. It's a fight that I can't win alone, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one fighting it.
I Hate Asking For Help
I hate it. Seriously. I hate it.
Asking for help makes me feel weak. Asking for help makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Asking for help means I have to surrender, and puts me at the mercy of another.
Asking for help means I can't be the hero that I love to be. (Yes, I have a hero complex.)
I love being the guy with all the answers.
I love to be the one who swoops in at the last minute save the day.
I am addicted to solving everyone else's problems, helping to heal everyone else's hurts, and encouraging other people to follow their dreams... and I love that I often get to do these things at the expense of solving my own problems, healing my own hurts, or pursuing my own dreams.
She has a 'hero complex': an inherent desire to help others, being unable to help herself, and compulsion to make the world right... She's trying to 'unlock' the true meaning of her life. And she doesn't know who has the key."
—Dr. Wilson on Alice from Alice: Madness Returns
Being the hero can be satisfying... but it's also lonely.
Heroes do the saving, they don't need to be saved.
Heroes do the helping, they don't need to be helped.
Heroes do the loving, they don't have time to be loved.
When I'm playing the role of hero, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, because if I love feeling like I matter... if I don't succeed in my mission, others will suffer.
But what really happens is that when I get stuck playing the hero, I miss out on the best parts of life.
I miss out on what it's like to be loved more than I deserve.
I miss out on the amazing experience of allowing others to serve me and care for me when I've had a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad month.
I lose the opportunity to allow others to influence my life and help me grow with their kindness, their knowledge, and their experience.
My need to be a hero is in direct contrast with my desire to experience deep, meaningful, loving relationships.
Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.” -Elizabeth Gilbert
If I'm going to experience mind-blowing love, I need to be willing to accept help as I give it.
If I'm going to experience earth-shattering success in business, I need to be willing to surrender the things I hold closest to my heart to others.
If The Loveumentary is going to touch as many lives as possible, I need your stories, your talents, and your help to share it.
The greatest things in life are rarely accomplished alone. Every hero has a sidekick. Every champion has a trainer. Every tycoon has a staff. Every blissfully happy relationship consists of not one, but two (or sometimes more) partners who are pulling for and supporting each other.
My Challenge
My challenge to myself and to all of you is to let go of the ego.
Not only will I accept help when it makes sense, but I will ask for it when I need it.
I will stop trying to have all the answers, and instead will seek counsel for the challenges I'm facing.
I will start making space for myself to be loved... all of me... even the parts I believe are unlovable. And I will believe that you have enough hero in you to show up for me the way I will try to always to show up for you.
How about you? Are you trying to do it all alone? Is the world resting on your shoulders? Do you have to have all the answers? Do you need a hero to save you from your hero complex? Share your thoughts in the comments. I need your help.