Podcast Episode

Episode #83 - David and Gretchen Figge

 
 
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Society is messed up...

Have you ever noticed that at the beginning of a relationship, it seems like everyone is pushing you toward commitment and marriage?

You come home from a first date and you get asked, "Do you think she's the one?" or "Did he kiss you?!"

You start dating exclusively and people say, "He'd better put a ring on it!" or "It's just a matter of time... you guys are totally getting married."

You send out wedding announcements and everyone celebrates with excitement.

But then...

The moment you get married, the world's influences start pushing you apart.

You get together with your girlfriends and they all complain about their lazy, incompetent husbands.

Your best buddies gripe about their demanding wives who never stop nagging, and never appreciate what they do for their families.

You hear people joke about "starter wives," or how a husband is replaceable, but kids are not.

I've even heard people taking bets on how long a couple will stay married at the wedding itself.

Figge Philosophy | The Loveumentary

Figge Philosophy | The Loveumentary

How messed up is that?!

Marriage can be awesome!

David and Gretchen (recording embedded at the top of this post) pointed the above social trend out to me.

What I love about these two humans is that their marriage is a testament to the fact that we can ALL resist the divisive negativity around marriage that permeates our culture and create amazing, mind-boggling relationships filled with kindness, growth, compassion, and fun!

I encourage you to listen to the episode above to understand how truly phenomenal a marriage can be.

I promise you will be inspired.

I'd love to hear what you liked most about the conversation with David and Gretchen. Leave your comments below!

Episode #82 - David York

 
 
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[powerpress]

What's more important?

What's more important to you?

Kindness or Generosity

Faith or Patience

Determination or Courage

Compassion or Gratitude

Honesty or Forgiveness

Hard to pick, right?

The reality is that regardless of how great and important you think all these values are, you choose to prioritize some values over others every single day... often without even thinking about it.

The values you choose determine how you make important decisions in your life.

It influences whether you give money to a homeless person (generosity) vs. whether you don't (self-reliance).

It influences whether you spend your money on cool experiences with people you love (loyalty), on things you really want (affluence), or you give it to charity (compassion).

It influences whether you are quick to apologize (forgiveness) or whether you occasionally hold a grudge (justice).

None of these values are inherently good or bad. And none of the above examples are right or wrong choices.

Each of these values is important to create the diverse, beautiful, and fascinating world we live in.

These values also shape your character, your beliefs, your choices, and your destiny.

Our shared values are what bind us to the people we love most... so much so that when our values change, often times our social circles change as well.

Ever notice when a single friend gets married, they often stop spending time with their single friends? It's not because they don't care about their friends anymore... it's because they've had a change of values. Suddenly family, love and commitment take a priority over freedom, play and opportunity.

Do you know your core values?

I'm amazed at how many people -- especially couples -- go throughout life without knowing what their core values are... they don't even talk about it!

The very thing that binds people together goes completely unacknowledged.

When you know your values, you make more informed and inspired decisions in your life... especially hard decisions.

Your core values make it simple to decide whether or not to take the promotion. Whether or not to have kids. Whether or not to move to a new city. Whether or not to get married. Whether or not to buy a house, or continue renting.

Plus...

When you know your partner's values, you get a window into their soul.

It's like having a cheat sheet for their heart.

Knowing their values helps you understand the motivations behind their words, actions, and the things they get passionate and emotional about.

If they highly value equality, they may get really angry when they witness a social injustice.

If they value faith, they may be really hurt when they hear someone curse God, or speak unkindly of their religion.

If they value gratitude, they may become disenchanted and worn out if they don't receive words of appreciation regularly.

Knowing your partner's values will make you an incredible companion... the kind that understands, lifts, and inspires their partner to be their best self.

Your values are contagious!

My favorite thing about values is that they are contagious.

A few weeks ago I worked out at the gym next to a friend of mine who is a complete workhorse. He attacked the workout like a bat out of hell.

His drive and ferocity inspired me to work harder, move faster, and take shorter rests.

His value of work ethic elevated my game.

Here's another example...

Have you ever been in a situation where you were watching someone get bullied or publicly embarrassed? Maybe some people in the crowd were chuckling or outright laughing at the person being targeted. Maybe you even caught yourself laughing along.

Then somebody stands up and says, "Stop! This isn't ok. Leave them alone."

Other people start to speak up and defend the victim, break up the fight, or stop the bullying.

One person standing up for the value of kindness or equality will elevate the values of those around them.

When you live your values fully, you cause other people to rise to the occasion.

I invite you to spend some time this week and think about your core values. What are they? Why are they important to you? What experiences have fostered these values and shaped you into the person you are today? What are the values you share with the people/person you love most? How have those values impacted your relationship?

I'd love your responses in the comments.

If you want help identifying your values, check out the Rivets Card Game designed by David York (the guest from the podcast embedded at the top of this post). I've played it and it was an amazing experience that taught me a lot about myself and my relationship.

>>> CLICK HERE TO BUY THE GAME

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"]

David York's TEDx Talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_qN4JcVCQ4

Check out David York's Website if you want more information on wealth management, estate planning, his speaking, or to talk about core values.

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You Fall In Love With The Front of the Dog

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It's easy to fall in love with a puppy.

You walk through the door and there's this barking, and tail wagging, and panting, and licking, and excitement.

I love puppies.

Until...

Ok, here's the honest truth (as pointed out by Dr. Scott Stanley). When you fall in love with a puppy, you fall in love with the front end. It doesn't take long for a puppy to pee on the carpet, poop under your bed, or hump your leg to realize they're not all face-melting cuteness, and tummy rubs.

The back end of the puppy requires some effort and maintenance. It requires the occasional cleanup, or the an early-morning walk outside with a plastic bag in hand. Dealing with this side of the dog is not fun.

Yet, when you love a puppy, you're willing to clean up after it, and train it, and nurture it.

If you haven't figured it out yet, this puppy story is an analogy for relationships.

The best couples know how amazing and wonderful and joyful their love has been and will continue to be. At the same time, they recognize that their relationship has a butt that poops.

One of the cool things about relationships is that we create the messes... which means that through the process of cleaning them up, we can learn how to prevent them, or deal with them more effectively and efficiently.

Dynamic couples with mind-blowing love are constantly working on themselves. They're learning how to communicate with kindness and patience, how to inspire their partner to be their best self, and how to fill their life with gratitude, appreciation, passion, and connection.

These couples know that meaningful conversations can happen regularly if they put a little more thought into their questions, and display a little more curiosity towards the life of their partner.

They know that an argument is an opportunity to practice empathy, compassion, kindness and understanding rather than an excuse to be right and win a battle.

These partners know that the only thing that overshadows the joy that comes with accomplishing one of their own personal goals is helping the person they love accomplish their goals.

They are willing to say "no" to great opportunities because they don't align with their core values and goals.

They take responsibility for the messes they create. They apologize. They forgive. They don't hold grudges against their partners or themselves.

Relationships are like puppies. They are amazing, and fun, and can bring you so much joy if you're willing to do a little cleanup.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] You can read Amber's post about listening to your heart here, or read more of her writings on her website. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram. You can follow Farhad's Instagram here.

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Episode #80 with Gary Chapman - Author of The Five Love Languages

 
 
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The Story of The Five Love Languages

Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, is perhaps the most well-known relationship book of all time. It has been on the NYT Best Seller list for the better part of a decade.

I remember reading it for the first time and thinking, "Holy crap! I can't believe I didn't know that love languages were a thing!"

I quickly became that person at dinner parties who would ask people, "So, what's your love language?"

So many people experience love differently than I do... and I'd had no idea. In my naiveté I had assumed everyone felt things the same way I felt things.

That very love epiphany that Gary Chapman has created for millions of people all over the world is the same realization that saved his own marriage.

In this podcast we talk about how the Five Love Languages came to be, why they are so important, and what else - in addition to the love languages - people need to know to build healthy relationships that thrive and flourish.

I hope you love it.

love is something you do for someone else | Gary Chapman | The Loveumentary

love is something you do for someone else | Gary Chapman | The Loveumentary

Episode #77 with Laura Heck

 
 
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[powerpress] Laura Heck is a Licensed Couples Therapist and master trainer of the 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work program at The Gottman Institute. You'll love this conversation. We talk about a bunch of awesome stuff including what - as a therapist - she wished more people understood about relationships, asking for constant feedback, and using the question, "What's your favorite thing about me today?" to create opportunities to connect, and to give your partner a chance to give you what you need.

Laura will be on more future episodes, cause she's awesome and I like her.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"]

Click here to get access to a bunch of The Gottman Institutes awesome resources.

Or you can click here to get their book... and if you want an idea of why you should read the book... well, click here.

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Episode #76 with Yours Truly! Nate Bagley

 
 
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[powerpress] Some updates on what's going on with The Loveumentary, what you can expect over the next few months... and probably some fart jokes.