Pearson’s Law states:
“When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported back, the rate of improvement accelerates.”
We see people tracking, measuring, and improving their performance in all areas of life.
We see it happening in business.
We see it happening in sports.
We even see it in government… although whether or not improvement accelerates in that domain is debatable.
But why don’t we see it in marriage?
Probably because it’s hard to measure marriage.
Measuring marriage is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.
Every weekend my wife and I try to have a conversation about how our marriage is going, and how we can make it better.
I always ask her, “On a scale from 1-10, how did I do as a husband last week?”
The highest I’ve ever ranked was a 9/10… and, to be honest, it was rare.
Here’s why.
Every week after I get my “Husband Score,” I ask my wife, “What’s one thing I can do next week to bump me up one number higher next week?”
My intention has always been to focus on continuous improvement. I want to be the best husband possible to my wife…
But if I’m honest, by Tuesday, I’d typically forgotten what my wife had given me to focus on for the week.
That meant… I wasn’t doing it!
So, a few weeks ago, in a moment of self-honesty I realized a harsh truth about myself.
I’m not a great husband. I’m a well-intentioned husband.
The world is full of well-intentioned people.
The mean well. They want to be better. But when push comes to shove, for whatever reason, they don’t take action.
I realized that difference between a truly great partner and a well-intentioned partner boils down to one simple thing: tracking and measuring performance.
(Remember Pearson’s Law? “When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported back, the rate of improvement accelerates.”)
So I decided to get serious about my weekly commitments to be a better husband.
I made myself a Husband Scorecard where I can track the things that make me a great husband.
Every day I track whether or not I’m kissing my wife passionately, helping her around the house, and expressing gratitude. I rate myself on how well I do at connecting with my wife emotionally through our conversations and physical touch.
I track weekly goals, like whether or not we go on dates, and the “one thing” my wife asks me to do to bump my husband score up to 10/10.
After only a week doing this, something crazy happened.
I asked the question I’ve been asking her nearly every Sunday for years. “On a scale from 1-10, how was I as a husband this week?”
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Honestly? You were a perfect 10. Thank you so much for an incredible week this week. You were so kind and patient with me. I felt like you made me a priority all week. I felt so loved by you.”
I started to cry happy tears.
And if you look at how the week went (my personal scores are in the image above)… I still had PLENTY of room to grow!
Maybe sometime soon I’ll be an 11/10.
But I digress.
The point of this post today is to show you that something magical happens when you:
Identify what actions have the most positive impact on your marriage
Track them over time
As you begin to measure your performance you can identify your strengths and weaknesses. This provides you with a clear game plan to improve your marriage skills.
It has helped me take my marriage to a level that I NEVER thought possible.
Here’s one other extra bonus: I spent so much time focusing on how I show up as a husband, that I didn’t have time or energy to really be critical of my wife… which helped me see her through the most rose-tinted glasses ever.
Try creating a Marriage Scorecard for yourself, and follow it for 2 weeks.
I’d LOVE to hear what happens!