We make dating so much more complicated than it needs to be...both before, AND after marriage, because YES. If you’re reading this, you probably know that dating is still important after you’ve both said “I Do”.
If you go into it with the right attitude and put even just a little bit of effort into it, your relationship will expand in some pretty amazing ways, even if your relationship is already stellar.
So here are 6 simple tips to help you have an absolutely perfect date night.
1. Make it Official
Beyonce once said, “If you like it then you’d better put a ring on it.”
Queen Bey knows what she’s talking about...though in this case, the “ring” isn’t an engagement ring with an expensive rock on it… it’s the sound your special someone’s phone makes when you call to ask them out.
*ring ring*
“Hello? Can you hear me now?”
The first mistake you might make when planning a date is keeping it part of the “normal” routine. For example, I know a couple who has a date every week to Costco. (aka the normal weekly grocery run. Talk about romantic!)
Sure, they’re spending time together, but I guarantee it leaves quite a bit to be desired.
It’s natural for people to want to feel wanted. Or heard. Or desired… and you don’t get “desire” from the sample line in Costco.
Dating feels so special when a relationship is just starting because the person who gives you butterflies is eager to actually reserve your time and attention for the evening. They showed and told you that they liked spending time with you and were respectful enough to ask you in advance.
When you specifically ask your partner on a date, you start to bring back that intense feeling of being wanted and desired.
So, if you’re taking your partner out this week, pick up your phone, call them, and make them feel special by reserving their time. Let them know you’re not just taking them out because date night is on the calendar. You’re taking them out because you can’t wait to spend some one-on-one time with them.
2. Plan Something
Nothing says “This date doesn’t really matter to me,” faster than the phrase, “So, what do you want to do?”
It just screams, “I haven’t put any thought into this, I haven’t been looking forward to it, and I really don’t care about it (or you) at all!”
So, here’s a secret. The easiest way to make date night feel important, thereby making your partner feel important is to HAVE A PLAN!
It doesn’t even have to be a complicated plan...
Just show your partner that you care enough about the night to put a little bit of thought into how you want to spend your time with them.
Here are some ideas of plans you can create:
Go to the symphony. Go for a walk in the park.
Make dinner together.
Give each other back scratches.
Go to a sporting event.
Take a class together.
Go explore a new part of your city.
Play Truth or Dare…
Sorry, but planning to watch Netflix together while you both scroll through Facebook and Instagram on your phones doesn’t count as a plan.
Don’t be boring.
Your relationship is too important for boring!
So make a plan...even if it’s something short and simple. Chances are, your partner will LOVE it.
3. Be On Time
Showing up on time might not seem like a big deal, but I promise you it is.
You can make your partner the most important thing in your life one night a week.
Tell him or her when you’ll be home, and then be there.
Show them that they matter more to you than work, your friends, your book club, soccer practice, traffic, video games, or Facebook.
Make them the center of your universe for one night.
Start by showing up (emotionally and physically) on time.
4. Have a Real Conversation
We have a real problem in the world.
We seem to be content with surface level questions, that really don’t tell us anything about someone.
For example….you meet someone for the first time and what questions do you ask each other?
Where are you from? What do you do? What movies do you like?
AGH! THE HUMANITY!!!
I want to puke.
These questions are so generic it hurts.
Think about your partner…
What are the first questions you usually ask each other when they/you get home?
“How was your day?”
And usually they respond, “Good, how was yours?”
Yeah, it’s important to know how the day went. But so boring. And so ineffective.
Questions are POWERFUL. You can truly get to know someone...the REAL someone, when you ask sincere questions.
The strength and depth of my relationships have become increasingly proportionate to the level (and depth) of questions we’re willing to ask each other.
Level up from that crappy “filler conversation” and focus on getting to know, and falling deeper in love.
Questions like:
What was the best/worst part of your day and WHY?
What was your biggest “win” this week?
What happened this week that made you sad?
At what point did you feel most connected to me this week?
That last question is a doozy. The people I’ve watched used this question grow into incredibly open and powerful relationships...because they’re authentic with each other, and know exactly what effect their behavior has had on their partner. Hmmm...
You can even use part of the date to brainstorm these types of questions that will get the conversation flowing.
So, go forth, and connect!
5. TURN YOUR PHONE OFF, DARN IT!
I should have probably used a stronger word there, with a few more exclamation points behind it to get the point across.
Seriously, just turn it off.
One of the most frustrating and disrespectful things is watching someone you care about, care more about what is happening with everyone else instead of what’s going on with you.
Honestly, I almost get angry when I think about it. Because I know how many times it’s happened to me.
If you need to check on how things are going with the babysitter, sure, turn it on for a couple minutes, then get it back off.
(Spoiler alert...iPhones have this really awesome feature called “Do Not Disturb” that makes it so you don’t have to totally turn off your phone. That way your babysitter can still get ahold of you if there is an emergency.)
I’d bet your partner will be shocked at how present you are for them.
They’ll probably think it’s one of the best presents you’ve ever given them.
*Badoom KSSSSSH!!!*
6. Say “Thank You”
In every relationship, you’ve got to have time to let out your frustrations. Work. Soccer practice. House cleaning. The to-do’s that just seem to keep adding up.
But date night isn’t necessarily the best place for airing out all the dirty laundry (especially because nobody likes a stinky date... ;-))
A date night needs to be special, even if it’s just the two of you doing something small together.
Tell your partner how much it means to you that they are able to provide for your family, regardless of how big or how small it is.
Or how much you appreciate them making time for you.
Or something special they did recently that means a lot to you, and why.
Just like doing the dishes helps set up a night in the bedroom, nothing chases away anxiety and the frustrations of life than a healthy dose of sincere appreciation
BONUS TIP: Be Consistent
One of the most powerful things you can do as a couple is to set aside time...just for the two of you.
No kids.
No phones.
No clothes….
well, that last one is up to you...
Regular date nights will do more for your relationship than pretty much anything else, including sex.
Because you take the time to show each other how much you love, appreciate, and value each other.
You can talk things out. Release tension. Celebrate the highs and work through the lows.
So make dedicated time for the two of you a priority.
Even if it’s just an hour. That’s a start.
Calendar it if you have to.
Show that special someone that they are a priority.
That they are YOUR priority.
Because your priorities (aka how you spend your time) shows what’s really important to you.
Just like Gandhi said,
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
Simple love-centered habits and routines literally have the power to transform your destiny as a couple.