5 Simple Rituals That Keep Passion Alive


This post was inspired by this week's awesome podcast with Liz and Ryan. You should check it out to learn more about how awesome rituals can make an awesome relationship even more amazing:

Kiss for 10 Seconds or Longer

Kissing is awesome.

Remember your first kiss? The nerves? The anxiety? The excitement? The tingle from head to toes? (I hope it wasn't just me that experienced the tingle...) There is just something special about a good kiss.

Kissing releases endorphins, helps reduce blood pressure, fight cavities, and reduce the pain of headaches and cramps. It's even a barometer for sexual compatibility. (Source)

Yet, as amazing as kissing is, many people often allow the kiss to be replaced by the peck (gross). A peck is something you give your grandma, not your lover.

Pecks to not lend themselves to passion.

Make a pact to choose passion in your relationship by committing to kiss for 10 seconds or longer every day. When you part ways, kiss each other like you'll miss each other.

Trust me, do it for a week, and your love life will begin to transform.

Get Dressed Up

The more we work for something, the more we appreciate it.

One of my favorite things to do is mow the lawn. I'm meticulous with the lines I leave in the grass. I make sure to switch up the direction I mow every week to get the optimal cross-hatch pattern.

I put in all this work, because when it's all done, I can turn around and look at that luscious landscape and enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I get a very similar situation when I have a good shower, slip into a suit and tie, and take a lady out on a date. When I put effort into my appearance, I'm more thoughtful about how I show up for her. Getting dressed up gives the evening  an air of specialness and romance.

Make it a point to dress up for each other every once in a while. Granted, snuggling in your PJs has its place... but sometimes I wonder the difference it could make if we put a little effort into ourselves for each other a little more regularly.

Make A Fuss Over Each Other

Do you know what I get excited for?

Whatever I want to get excited for, that's what.

Some of my favorite moments in a given week are when I make a fuss out of simple things... and the best part of it? Getting excited about something (or someone) is 100% a choice.

You can get excited when they call your number at In 'N Out Burger. You can get excited each time someone walks in the door at a party. You can get excited whenever the garbage man picks up your trash. There is a lot in life to be excited about...

But nothing is more worthy of excitement than love.

You can find reasons every day to make a fuss over each other. Make a fuss every time you see your mate for the first time in a day. Give a cheer every time your significant other says your name, or does something kind for you. Celebrate how lovely they look, and make it a point to compliment them on your favorite features every day.

People get excited about you when you get excited about them. Make a fuss over each other. It's so easy. It's 100% a choice. It makes every day a little more fun, it makes love a little more passionate, and it makes life a little more awesome.

Schedule Sex

Ugh, boring! Why on earth would you put sex on your calendar like an oil change, or a business meeting?

Yeah, don't do that.

Put sex on your calendar... and then give yourself a reminder 24 hours in advance to begin the foreplay. Shamelessly flirt with each other for days leading up to your special appointment. Send sexy texts, or erotic emails. Tease each other mercilessly.

The point of scheduling sex is to make sure the important things are a priority (and yes, sex should be a priority).

If you treat it like a business meeting, it will feel like one. If you use it as an opportunity to connect, flirt, and pursue each other, it can be an amazing tool for experiencing electric passion in your life.

Turn Off Your Phone

Nothing says "You're not important to me," like your partner constantly looking down at their phone.

I've realized lately that I have this issue... so I've begun to turn my phone off, leave it at home, or put it in another room when I'm with people I love.

If you want more passion in your relationship, turn off your damn phone.

Got your own rituals to keep passion alive in your relationship? Leave them in the comments! I'm collecting them, because I think they're awesome.

Stop Waiting For Courage Before Taking Action!

Confidence is not a requirement before taking action. Confidence is a result of taking action.

That (paraphrased) quote hit me like a ton of bricks as I read the first pages of a new book this morning.

I've been waiting to feel courageous and confident before taking big risks. I told myself that if I waited long enough - if I planned, and worked, and spent enough time thinking things through - eventually everything I wanted would just magically appear into my life.

I was wrong.

There will always be doubt until you take action.

Let me explain this using an embarrassing story from my life: I didn't kiss a girl until I graduated high school. (I know, right?)

I remember on one particular occasion, a girl had asked me to be her date to a formal dance. This girl was WAY out of my league. She was a varsity cheerleader. She was a Senior (a year older than I was). And she was really cute.

She picked me up, and despite my insecurities and overwhelming nerdiness, the evening seemed to be going really well... We even held hands!

As the night wound down, it was time for her to take me home. She walked me to my doorstep and gave me a long hug. She stepped back and looked into my eyes, then down at my lips. Then back at my eyes. She and just lingered there... and I froze.

I panicked! I didn't know what to do!

I was so scared, and lacked so much confidence, that rather than kiss her flat on the lips like she obviously wanted, I leaned in and gave her a big, wet kiss on the cheek... just like the kind you'd get from a grandma.

I even made the sound, "MMMMMMMUAH!"

When I realized what I'd just done, I was mortified. I opened the door, ran inside, and freaked out. Why did I chicken out?! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!

I was spending too much time in my head, thinking, instead of just doing.

It's easy to get stuck in your head. We convince ourselves that it's safe. We imagine if we never take action, we will never have to risk failure. But the shelter of inaction never lasts. Eventually we're forced to make a decision, and the longer we wait, the worse things get, and the more terrified we become.

But when we set aside all of the crazy that we work ourselves into, and just take action, the fog always seems to lift, and we experience clarity and confidence.

I Love Soccer

Ever have that battle at the beginning of a relationship where you don't want to be the first one to bust out the "L" word? You say things like, "I really really like you a lot." Or, "I love so much about you."

We'll elude to it, but we won't just say it.

But then there's that moment of clarity when you just say, "To hell with it, I love you. I know it. You know it. I'm sick of playing this torturous mind game. I'm just going to own it!" Then suddenly the other person finally feels safe saying, "I love you too! I've just been waiting for you to say it."

What a liberating experience taking action can be, right?

Now, I invite you to look at your life and your relationships. Where are you getting stuck in your head? What are the conversations you're not having, or the decisions you're avoiding? Are you working yourself into a frenzy rather than taking action?


The confidence and clarity you seek will come the moment you stop thinking, and start doing.

If you're feeling stuck, and you need some help getting out of your head, I'm teaching a free seminar in Salt Lake this week on creating amazing, mind-blowing love... and we'll be spending time on this very thing. I'd love to see you there. Click here to reserve your ticket... and bring a friend.

If you can't make it, I encourage you to check out one of the most recent podcasts:

Say Yes To Adventure

Josh and Jenny Solar talk about their family motto, "We don't talk about doing cool stuff, we do cool stuff." Their integrity-themed motto has opened up a world of possibilities for their family, and for their love.

This conversation with Josh and Jenny is the interview that completely shattered my life-long expectations of what I thought love was like. They are the couple I will never forget.

You Play For The League You Practice For

Hank and Sueann toyed with each other for years as friends before they finally took the plunge and decided to date and get married. They learned quickly that just like anything else, the quality of love they experience depends entirely on how much and how hard they practice.

If there were a World Series of love, they would always be in contention for the title.

Oh... and by the way... I did eventually kiss a girl. All it took was a little action.

And it was awesome.