Frog farming is when you turn a prince into a frog… aka, you bring out the worst in your partner. Here’s 5 different ways you might be doing that right now.

Mira Kirshenbaum defines betrayal as, "When someone does something that breaks a fundamental promise, or violates a fundamental expectation and does so in a way that significantly hurts your peace of mind."

I didn’t even realize how much anxiety was subtly wrecking my relationship until I read Dr. Kathleen Smith’s book, Everything Isn’t Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down.

Dr. Smith’s book helped me realize that I’ve developed extremely effective anxiety coping mechanisms that kept me confronting my insecurities and weaknesses head-on.

Stonewalling is the 4th of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. Here’s where you can catch the past installments that cover Criticism, Defensiveness, and Contempt.

Stonewalling is when you shut down, and completely tune your partner out. You act like you couldn’t care less about what they’re saying.

Today we’re going to talk about the 3nd Horseman of the Marriage Apocalypse… contempt. Click here if you want to learn about the first or second horsemen.

Dr. Gottman calls contempt the sulfuric acid of love.

Needless to say, contempt is frickin’ dangerous if it’s present in your relationship. So pay attention to this post, because I’m going to teach you how to deal with contempt when it shows up, and then set up protections to prevent it from ever creeping back in!

Defensiveness is the second of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It typically shows up right on the heels of the first horseman: Criticism. (Click here to learn about the First Horseman of the Apocalypse here.)

Defensiveness is the trap my wife and I fall into most often.

Defensiveness is always an attempt to protect yourself from a perceived attack. A defensive response usually implies, “The problem isn’t me… it’s you!”

In marriage, one thing is a given: At some point, you and your partner are going to disagree on something.

It might be something small like where to eat for dinner on your next date night, what brand of toothpaste to buy, or which Netflix show to stream next. Or it could be something big like how to manage your finances, how you’re going to spend your holidays, or how often you’d like to have sex and who should initiate.

"I hate conflict... is there a way I can be in a relationship without ever having to deal with it?"

"I feel like I'm always the reason other people are disappointed."

"I'm never good enough, and my partner will never be happy with me."

"I'm too much."

"I'm not lovable."

"My partner doesn't care about me."

"We never resolve things... everything always gets swept under the rug."

"My partner always dismisses my feelings."

"Why don't my needs matter?"

These are the thoughts of someone who struggles with Anxious Attachment.

Are you feeling burned out in your marriage?

Are you constantly stressed and overwhelmed?

Are you exhausted all the time?

Are you feeling lonely and depressed?

Maybe you’re growing resentful of your partner.

You might be secretly asking yourself, “Did I marry the right person?”

Or wondering how long your marriage will last if nothing changes.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.