If True Love Doesn't Terrify You, You're Not Really Getting It

Love has a way of always pushing your limits and exposing your weaknesses. If you're feeling stretched, pushed, or even terrified, it's a good sign that you're probably doing it right.

Be willing to go to that scary place, have the hard conversation, and confront your demons..

Pushing through your discomfort will only bring you closer together.

If your love is always easy, you're probably not growing... And that means you're missing out.

Episode #48 - Jim and Cindy Wigdahl

In this week’s episode we sit down with Jim and Cindy Wigdahl. Jim and Cindy have been friends for over 30 years, but have only been married for 4 or 5 years. Their story is amazing and sad and full of hope all at the same time. It will open your heart. I hope you love it.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• What it's like to marry your friend of 30 years after not seeing them in nearly 2 decades.

• Jim explains what it's like to be single till your mid-50's... and be happy about it.

• The feeling of peace that results when you choose to be with someone.

• The importance of your community supporting your relationship.

• What it's like to have a short engagement, and end up really courting and getting to know each other after marriage.

• Jim discusses how his concept of God has changed and grown since he has been married.

Favorite quotes from this episode:

"Don't ultimately hesitate to give your life away. Don't hesitate to release the thing that you cling to, because you will find that it will move into a better thing. And you will find yourself more fortunate because of it." -Jim Wigdahl

"Marriage will break you. It will destroy you. And that's a good thing. Because it will then put you together in a way that is richer, and deeper, and you will be more alive than you ever thought you could be." -Jim Wigdahl

If you love the smooth and sultry sounds of Jim's voice, you can check out his voice talent website here. Leave your thoughts about this interview in the comments!

I'm With You

“I’m with you,” I said to her late last night as we held each other tight. I held her and listened, to all her worries. Tears slowly falling down her cheeks, overwhelmed with stress, wondering how we’re going to pay our bills through the winter. Worried our son might have a relapse. Feeling like she’s letting us all down. Scared to pursue things that matter because we’ve failed in the past and she just doesn’t want to feel that pain again. “I’m with you,” I repeated. Three words to let her know I hear her. Three words to let her know “You matter to me, my love.” Offering no judgements. Offering no advice. Just listening. Listening and wrapping my arms around her as tight as I can.

“I’m with you.” My wife needed to know, she’s not perfect, and it doesn’t matter at all, because I’m with her. I don’t need a perfect wife. I need a wife who’s not afraid to love with her whole heart. Letting her know I’m here, with her, no matter what…no matter how hard this season of life we’re currently in is, we’re together…fighting through the shit together. Fighting because our lives matter.

Fighting because she’s worth every ounce of joy and pain and suffering and love and her kisses and her touch and belly laughs and late night slow dances and the times when we don’t even have to say anything at all to each other, we just relax into each others arms and the adventures we share with each other and our kids. Our kids deserve a whole separate run on sentence.

It’s all worth it. This life, with her by my side, is worth it.

I’m with you. Three simple words I first heard in Bob Goff’s amazing book, Love Does. These words are powerful. They let someone know it’s OK to open up. That you’ve given them a safe space for them to be themselves, fully. Three words to let someone know they are loved.

And, isn’t that what we want in life the most? To know we’re loved, valued and appreciated? Ultimately, that’s where we find happiness and joy, in those times when we’re completely ourselves, loved and supported 100%.

It’s so easy, to offer advice. I have this innate desire to fix her problems. Especially when my wife is scared or hurting. I want to do anything I can to take away her pain and end her suffering and ease her worries. I want her to be OK and happy. Yet, sometimes, even though I feel I can do this for her, sometimes, all she wants is for me to listen. To just listen and not try and help.

Sharing our worries and fears and problems with others somehow, is enough to help. Saying things out loud, seems to ease their stranglehold they wield so mightily over us.

So, for now, all I want my wife to hear is this… “I’m with you, my love.”

[jbox title="About the author:" border="5" radius="15"] Josh Solar is a giver of love, creator of art, and an influence for good in the world. If you love love, you will love his blog, (where today's post was originally published) Josh Solar Loves You, and keeping up with his amazing family at The Happy Family Movement. I highly recommend you check out his podcast episode on The Loveumentary as well. [gravityform id="2" name="Subscribe" title="false" description="false"][/jbox]

Episode #46 - Jackson Dunn with Focus on the Family

In this week's episode we sit down with Jackson Dunn, the Director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family. Jackson's goals with the Marriage Division at Focus on the Family are to provide resources for couples preparing for marriage, to enrich the lives of married couples and to help couples in crisis. He was formerly the Director of University Ministries at the Center for Relationship Enrichment on the campus of John Brown University. In this position, he taught relationships courses, oversaw a national student assessment, directed a national couples retreat program, and helped developed a community premarital and marriage program. He is an awesome dude who loves being married, loves his family, loves the work he does... and I think you'll love listening to him.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• Raising the bar on love. The measure of a good marriage should not simply be that you don't get divorced.

• As much as we like to make our problems about other people, the only thing you can control or take responsibility for is you. The quality of your relationship is up to you.

• What's your definition of a thriving marriage?

• Busyness is the enemy of amazing loving relationships.

• The importance of intentional living every single day. Not just on important days/occasions.

• What it means to judge the quality of a husband by the radiance of his wife.

• Do you think the negative things associated with love and marriage are normal? Or are they just normal for your experience?