Today’s podcast episode and accompanying blog post will make a lot more sense if you listen to to the past 2 episodes of the Growth Marriage Podcast first!
In case you don’t have time to go back right now and listen, here’s a quick summary:
In the first episode, I introduced the concept of the Growth Ecosystem. The idea is that a person (aka you), when placed in the right ecosystem, will grow and achieve their goals… just like a plant will grow when it’s placed in the ideal ecosystem.
Have you ever attempted to unlock your potential by working towards a goal or making an improvement in your life...
… and then you fell short after spending weeks or months gritting your teeth, and white-knuckling your way to progress?
It’s probably because you weren’t in the right ecosystem!
The desire was there. The motivation was there. But you lacked key elements in your environment to facilitate your success.
Last week we talked about the first piece of the Growth Ecosystem. It’s all about having an ideal to strive for. A clear goal. A version of yourself or your life that’s better than who you are right now.
When you have a clear goal, it gives your suffering meaning. It gives you direction and purpose in your life.
And having a purpose gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Just like the sun gives a plant energy, a clear purpose gives a person energy.
Today, we’re going to talk about the 2nd piece of the Growth Ecosystem.
Let’s jump back to the plant analogy.
If you want your plant to grow, you need to put it in rich, fertile soil.
The soil does 2 important things for the plant.
First, it keeps the plant firmly rooted in place so it doesn’t get washed away when big storms come along with their violent winds and rushing water.
Second, the soil provides vital nutrients that are essential for the plants growth via the plant’s root system.
The 2nd piece of the Growth Ecosystem serves a very similar purpose for you.
It keeps you rooted when the storms of life come along and try to uproot you.
And it instills in you a constant supply of positive thoughts, values, attitudes, and behaviors.
Your soil is your community!
Ever hear this famous Jim Rohn quote? It’s one of my favorites…
“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
It’s not just a nice, catchy, feel-good quote. There’s science to back it up!
There’s this psychological principle called Behavioral Contagion — which is a fancy way of saying that you will copy the behaviors of the people you spend time with or pay attention to.
Behavioral Contagion is responsible for all sorts of things things like increased suicide rates, or a boom in teen pregnancy, to a line of nearly 400 people at Starbucks volunteering to pay for the coffee of the person behind them in line.
A recent Pew Research Study even found that if a close friend or family member has gone through a divorce, you’re 75% more likely to go through one yourself!
You do the things that people around you do.
There’s a great story of an eagle who was raised by chickens.
She grew up clucking, walking around in the dirt, and pecking at the ground. She never even tried to fly… because, of course, chickens can’t fly.
And as far as she knew, she was a chicken.
One day, while soaring through the sky, another eagle spotted her on the ground pecking at the soil with her chicken family.
This eagle who knew she was an eagle landed nearby and called out to the eagle who thought she was a chicken, “Hey! Why are you down here pecking at the ground when you could be flying high above the earth, dominating the sky?”
The chicken-eagle looked at the new eagle confused. “Cause I’m a chicken. Always have been. Always will be. And chickens don’t fly. Everyone knows that.”
Just like you and I, this eagle adopted the habits, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of the chickens it was raised around, and accepted them as truth.
Your life truly is defined by who you surround yourself with.
As Steve Maraboli says,
“If you hang out with chickens, you're going to cluck; and if you hang out with eagles, you're going to fly.”
A good community, just like a good soil, will keep you grounded and committed to your relationships and the things that are most important to you.
Not only that, but you also “absorb” the values, attitudes, and behaviors of the people you spend time with… just like a plant absorbs nutrients in the soil, or the eagle absorbed the behaviors from being around chickens.
If you want to be successful in your goals...
If you want to get in shape...
If you want to save money...
If you want to travel the world...
If you want to have an amazing marriage…
You need to have a supportive, encouraging community who has your back, wants to see you succeed, and has similar goals and values as you!
Think about it this way…
If the attitudes, behaviors, values, and thoughts of the people you spend the most time with were as contagious as the flu, what would they be infecting you with?
Would you be more negative, critical, sarcastic, and pessimistic? Would you be more likely to give up on your goals, criticize others, or make fun of those attempting to do good in the world?
Or would you be more courageous, kind, and compassionate? Would you treat your partner with respect and generosity? Would the infect you with the desire to be more positive, encouraging, ambitious, and uplifting?
Put yourself in the right soil (community) and your untapped potential will be unlocked.
When you contaminate the soil (community) and the plant (your best self) dies.
You are just like the eagle.
Don’t hang out with the chickens, or you’ll never know how high you could have flown!
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