Is your husband more interested in video games, work, or sports than you?
Do you feel like he’s checked-out? Has he stopped caring about your marriage?
Are you trying to think of ways to convince him to go to therapy?
Do you wonder why he doesn’t seem to care about your happiness or your marriage?
Do you ever feel rejected, hurt, sad, abandoned, afraid for the future of your marriage?
If so, you’re not alone.
But here’s the deal… nobody gets married with the hope of having an “OK” marriage.
So, what’s the key?
Well, let me tell you a little story...
My wife and I recently got back from a walk around a lake at a nearby park.
Halfway around the lake she turned to look at me and said, “I feel so lucky. I honestly feel like I fall more in love with you every day that we’re married.”
She was so sincere, it brought tears to my eyes.
Now, I’m not sharing this with you to make you feel jealous or inadequate.
I’m not trying to pat myself on the back at all.
It’s actually the exact opposite.
Let me explain…
The reason my wife sees me as such an amazing husband doesn’t have much to do with me.
I’m just a normal guy.
I play video games, follow sports (go Jazz!), and watch Star Wars movies.
I regularly fart in bed… then laugh maniacally.
Sometimes when I’m tired, stressed, or hangry (especially hangry) I say mean things that hurt my wife’s feelings.
So, if I’m so incredibly average, why does she feel so great about being married to me?
It’s definitely not my looks… I’m balding and have a serious case of dad-bod.
The answer is this powerful cocktail of things my wife does… often without even realizing it.
When she does these things it’s like a drug for me.
I can’t help but stop being lazy.
I turn off the TV so I can connect with her.
I think about her when I’m out with my buddies, or traveling on a business trip… and can’t wait to get back home to her.
I romance her with flowers and love notes.
I clean the entire house while she’s at work.
I kiss her more passionately than when we were dating.
Sometimes I’m amazed at how she can unlock my potential as a husband simply by being my “love drug dealer.”
I mean, who wouldn’t want to unlock more connection, intimacy, honesty, and mutual support?!
Wanna know what she does that gets me to be the best husband I can be?
The best way to explain what she does is to quote Myron Golden, a speaker I heard at a conference last month.
He asked the audience, “Why does anyone do anything?”
The answer?
“Because they feel like it.”
When something makes us feel good, we want to do more of it.
Essentially, it all boils down to drugs.
The reason people do drugs is because it makes them feel good!
Taking a substance like heroin, ecstasy or cocaine, releases a boat-load of reward chemicals into your brain, like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.
I’m oversimplifying the brain science here, but essentially, the release of these brain-chemicals is SO POWERFUL when you do drugs, that you will do ANYTHING to experience more of it.
But illegal drugs aren’t the only way you can get a hit of those reward chemicals.
You get a similar hit from the reward-center of the brain when you accomplish a big goal, receive a compliment, serve someone selflessly, fall in love, or when you eat a really delicious meal.
So… why do I help around the house, make an effort to be emotionally supportive, encourage my wife to spend time with her friends, buy her flowers, and kiss her passionately?
I do those things because she is my drug dealer…
My wife is really good at giving me a regular hit of reward chemicals in my brain so that I actually crave investing in our relationship.
She knows that if I do something she likes, and she responds with enthusiastic gratitude, appreciation, or praise, I’m gonna want to do more of that thing!
She’s making me “addicted” to loving her.
That’s #SCIENCE
It’s incredible what happens when you know how to get your partner “addicted” to your marriage.
How would you feel if your partner would give up anything to make sure he’s putting your marriage first?
How would it be if he started looking forward to help you around the house without you even asking?
What about if he started making decisions with regards to finances, or parenting, or in-laws based on the impact it could have on you?
Is that something you want to learn more about?
If so, check out this interview with Laura Doyle.
She’s a living, breathing example of what can happen when you get your partner addicted to loving you.
And if you want to get access to the full interview with her (and 29 others), click here.