I was recently in Southern California for a business trip. Whenever I travel on business I take my microphone along and watch for opportunities to connect with someone.
While hanging in my hotel room, I realized this guy I met a while back at a conference lived like 15 minutes away. Ever since we've met, I've watched him on social media and have been fascinated by his discipline, his work ethic, and his values. He reminds me a lot of The Rock.
His name is Setema Gali.
Setema played in the NFL with Tom Brady on the New England Patriots.
He is a phenomenal husband and father. Like... raises the bar for men everywhere. Oh, and he's huge.
So I texted him. "Hey, I'm in town. If you have time, I'd love to come interview you about being an awesome husband/dad."
"Come by tonight. 9:00."
I didn't expect him to respond. I felt a rush of adrenaline.
Not only is this guy a Super Bowl champ, but he's an entrepreneur, a speaker, and a super-intense, high-end coach. I don't get nervous very often when I interview someone... but that day I was very nervous.
So that evening I jumped in my rental car, grabbed some In 'N Out, and headed over to his place. I was so nervous I'd be late that I got to his neighborhood 30 minutes early. I just sat in my car in a parking lot up the street until 8:58 so I could knock on his door at 9:00 on the dot.
I love interviewing people like Setema because I get a glimpse into what life is like for someone who lives their life on a completely different level than most other people.
During our conversation, he introduced me to some principles that shape his mindset as a husband, a dad, and an entrepreneur. If you pay attention to them and really take them in, these principles will absolutely change your life.
Principle 1: Clarity is Power
Remember that moment in Alice in Wonderland when Alice gets lost and meets the Cheshire cat?
She asks the cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to go," the Cheshire Cat responds.
"I don't much care where."
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."
If you aren’t crystal clear about what you want, how on earth will you ever get it?
There are COUNTLESS couples out there who are living lives they don’t want.
They’re miserable in their marriages. They aren’t having sex, or they’re having crappy sex. They’re in debt, they feel like roommates, they don’t have fun date nights, they dance around the same conflicts every single day, they’re not in shape anymore and aren’t attracted to each other, they’re bored, they’re tired, they’re burned out.
“This isn’t the life I wanted.”
Those are some heavy words that far too many people think.
So, how do you get clarity? You learn to ask powerful questions!
Powerful questions rarely start with “why” and almost always begin with “what” or “how.”
Here are some examples of powerful questions:
What’s working well in my life?
What’s not working well?
What behaviors can I change to get a different result in my work/marriage/health/finances?
What’s the dialogue inside my head saying? Is it helping or hurting the situation?
What am I doing that’s contributing to my own problems?
What’s another way to see my current situation?
How can I respond better?
What thoughts, words, feelings or actions are holding me back from _____?
What do I need more of in my life to create the reality or life I want to live?
What feelings do I want to have more of on a regular basis? What actions do I need to perform in order to experience more of the feelings I want?
When you powerful questions, the answers will give you clarity in any area of your life.
Clarity is power.
When you have clarity around what you want, you can take the necessary required actions to create what you want.
Here’s an example:
I know I never want to lose the passion in my marriage. One of the things that makes my wife feel adored and desired is a good, solid, passionate kiss. So guess what I try to do every single day without fail?
I grab my wife, pull her in close, and kiss her flat on the mouth for a minimum of 6 seconds.
Here’s another example:
Josh and Jenny Solar live by the motto “Say ‘Yes!’ to Adventure.” So, while their kids were young, they chose the profession of wedding photographers which allowed them to be home with their kids during the week and only work on weekends.
They spent a lot of time traveling, and would always be on the lookout for ways to make things exciting. At one point while driving down the freeway on a road trip, Josh pulled the minivan over to the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm so he and Jenny could make out in the rain.
Magical moments like this only happen when you have clarity around what you want.
Do you have clarity - and I mean crystal clear clarity - around what kind of marriage you want? How do you want to deal with conflict? How often and what kind of sex you want to have? What and how do you want to teach your kids? What do you want to accomplish with the money you make? How you do want to nurture your faith or spirituality together? What do you need to do to maintain a healthy body?
Clarity. Is. Power.
Principle 2: Commitment Alters Everything
Once you have clarity around what you want, you’ll begin to see exactly what you must do to accomplish your goal.
To get what you want, all you need to do is stick to the path and make progress every day.
The thing is, most people get distracted. They have all sorts of excuses, reasons and explanations why they don’t do what’s required to have what they want.
“I got busy.”
“It didn’t feel good.”
“I was tired.”
“It was too hard.”
“He made me angry.”
“She didn’t do her part.”
Want to know why only 8% of people keep their new year's resolutions?
Changing human behavior is hard. If you’re not truly, deep-in-your-bones committed, the easy path - the path full of excuses - will always win, because the non-commital path is easy.
“I love cookies so much... so I’ll start my diet tomorrow!”
“5:00 in the morning is so early, skipping one workout won’t hurt.”
“I really want those new shoes now, so I’ll start saving for my dream vacation next paycheck.”
“My wife would probably feel better if I say I’m sorry, but I don’t think I did anything wrong so I’ll just wait for her to get over it.”
Commitment isn’t glamorous. It’s work. It’s a daily grind.
Commitment requires you to get hyper-focused, and lock into a low gear that will allow you to keep moving forward step by step, day by day, without stopping regardless of how hard things get.
And when you do stop, or fail, or get distracted, it means you don’t beat yourself up. You stand up tall, take a deep breath, and get back on track.
Zig Ziglar said, “Getting knocked down is a given. Getting up and moving forward is a choice.”
A truly extraordinary life is available to anyone who can get clarity and stay committed.
"Whatever you want, you can have. And what you currently have is what you chose. If it's not the way you want it, you can change it."
- Setema Gali
So, what do you want?
Check out my full interview with Setema here:
Want to learn more from Setema?
Check out his new book Winning After The Game on Amazon. This book will teach you more about Clarity, Commitment, and the other principles that will lead you to success in your marriage, in your business, and in life.
He's also got an event coming up in the LA area in April called "Prosperity Revolution Live." I'd highly recommend going. Get your tickets here.