Episode #32 - Kiran and MeiMei

[powerpress]One of the reasons Kiran and MeiMei have one of the most beautiful relationships I've ever witnessed is that they have both failed. Not only have they failed, but they've failed big! They have put their hearts on the line, and swung for the fences only to be met with rejection, or disappointment, or a big old strike-out. What they so desperately dreamed and wanted did not unfold the way they had envisioned. And yet, these big failures did not break them. Kiran and MeiMei choose to use their failures as catalysts for growth and learning. But using failure as an asset is not easy! It requires crazy amounts of courage, because failure is scary!

It's this irrational fear of failure that most often stands in the way of our ability to fully live our lives and love others without reservation.

Fear is what makes us build up walls of anti-vulnerability. Fear pushes us to lie, or hide the icky parts of ourselves that we don't love. Fear is the fuel of insecurity, doubt, and selfishness.

We fear rejection.

Rejection makes us feel broken or deficient in some way. The feeling of rejection makes us feel worthless and empty. It makes us question everything about ourselves. When we are rejected, we begin to wonder, "What is it about me that makes me so unlovable? What do I lack? What am I doing wrong? Am I not smart/funny/attractive/skinny/fit/outgoing/interesting enough?"

We fear deception.

We've all heard the horror stories. A friend starts dating someone, falls in love, or even gets married, only to find out that the person they have invested so much time, effort, and energy into is not who they say they are. They find themselves being manipulated, abused, or deceived. What if the person I love lies to me? What if they cheat? How can I ever trust others again after a betrayal of trust? Or worse... how can I trust my own judgement of character? What did I miss? How many other people are lying to me? Do people think I can't handle the truth?

We fear abandonment.

The fear that life will slowly pull the people you care about away from you is torturous. Change, especially unexpected change is hard to deal with. It can be devestating to have your world turned upside down without any warning or explanation. Unexpected breakups can be confusing and heart-wrenching. Naturally, people develop fears of abandonment. What if the one I love gets bored of me and decide to leave? What if I fall short of their expectations? What if we can't recover from a disagreement? What if we drift apart, and just stop loving each other?

We fear the truth.

We fear that people will see us for who we truly are... warts and all. We fear that our icky parts make us unloveable. If people knew who we really were, they would not want to be with us. How could they? What if my person sees me - all of me - and it's not enough? What if my past gets held against me? What if they find about the skeletons in my closet? Will it make me less desirable, or worse... unlovable? These fears are all fears of failure. Failure to live up to the expectations of others, and sometimes even ourselves.

The only way to combat this fear of failure... the ONLY way... is self-love.

Love Yourself | Don Miguel Ruiz | The Loveumentary

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You must love yourself before you can love others.

When you love yourself, you do note fear rejection.

You do not need the validation of someone else to feel whole. You know what you deserve, and you happily refuse to settle for less. If you are not enough for someone else, they are not the right person for you, and you are one person closer to someone who is. Your love is enough.

When you love yourself first, you do not fear deception.

You respect yourself too much to stand for manipulation and lies. Because you do not fear the truth, you demand it from the people you love. If someone is abusing that trust, you know it is them and not you who has the problem. There is no guilt. You have nothing to be guilty for. There is no shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have lived with love and integrity. Your love is enough.

When you love yourself first, you do not fear abandonment.

Being alone is not scary or sad or uncomfortable, when you love yourself because you are always in good company. You don't need someone to laugh at your jokes if you think you are funny. You don't need somebody to tell you you are beautiful if you think you are beautiful. You don't need somebody to stick around to validate or love you if you have no problems validating and loving yourself. Your love is enough.

When you love yourself you will never fear the truth.

Nobody can hold your icky parts against you. You have already embraced them and accepted them. Nobody can use your past, your fears, or your insecurities against you if you love them. You can't be hurt by yourself if you love yourself. Your love is enough. When you love yourself, failure becomes less scary. Fear loses its power. Now it can be used as something positive. Failure can expose our weaknesses. This gives us a chance to make our weaknesses stronger. Failure forces us to stand face-to-face with the truth... especially the truth we are hiding from, or avoiding. This gives us a chance to embrace and love the truth, and removes its sting. Failure forces us to stand up and try again. It forces us to be vulnerable. It forces us to get outside our comfort zone. These things give us a chance to build courage, connection, and to experience growth. If you do not love yourself first, you will always be plagued by the fears of abandonment, rejection, deception, or not being "enough." Love yourself first.

Your love is enough.

Episode #31 - Roger and Judy

Patience: The Art Of Being OK Not Getting What You Want When You Want It

(Click here to tweet this quote.)

I remember that feeling I experienced when I had to wait for each Harry Potter book to be released. For months, and even sometimes years, I'd be left on pins and needles, wondering what was next, who would die, and how Harry would defeat Voldemort. Kids now-a-days who get to read through the whole series without having to wait don't understand the months of anxiety and speculation and drama that preceded the release of each book, and the overwhelming joy that ensued when I finally got my greedy little hands on a copy.

I experience similar feelings recently when I got introduced to Breaking Bad. It had been a long time since I had to count down months, then weeks, then days until the big finale. The waiting was almost torturous. I'd find a way to bring the series up in conversation at nearly any opportunity, and when people didn't know what I was talking about, I'd try to convert them.

Harry Potter and Walter Wight... They have taught me the virtue of patience.

Or at least that's what I thought.

It wasn't until I met Roger and Judy that I realized the "patience" I exercised while waiting for cookies to bake in the oven is just a drop in the bucket compared to what is often required to experience a deeply loving and satisfying relationship... the kind of relationship that some people only dream of.

When What You Want Means Waiting...

Roger and Judy met in a very small town where everybody knew nearly everybody else. One day he walked into a hotel, and saw this beautiful woman with amazing legs answer the phone, and he was sold. He knew they had to be together.

Over the next few months as they became fast friends, feelings began to develop. They wanted to be together, but Judy was already married. Her husband - a helicopter pilot - had been sent off to the Vietnam War and was proclaimed Missing in Action after he was shot down behind enemy lines. The military informed Judy that it was highly unlikely that anyone would survive a crash of that nature, but until they were certain, they could not proclaim her husband as Killed in Action.

Their friendship grew as Judy overcame the hardship of losing her husband, and Roger patiently acted as a friend and support to her.

Even when feelings began to develop between them, they exercised patience, and did not disrespect the vows Judy had made with her missing husband.

Over a year later, Judy received confirmation that her husband had, in fact, been killed in action, which allowed for Roger and Judy's relationship began to progress into something more serious.

Roger attributes this time of healing, and waiting, and building a solid, steady friendship as essential to creating a the strong, stable foundation their relationship now rests on. The care and love they developed for each other ran incredibly deep before they were ever romantically involved with each other.

Their willingness to be patient added a whole new depth and dynamic to their relationship.

Sometimes You Get What You Want... Just Not The Way You Planned

After getting married, Roger and Judy wanted to have children. It wasn't long before they found out that they couldn't have kids on their own.

Anyone who has struggled with this can attest to the fact that it is maximum suckitude. It can take a toll on a relationship. When people get married, nobody plans to not be able to make babies. It's not something you can anticipate.

The realization can make a person feel empty and hollow. It can be incredibly overwhelming, emotional, and discouraging.

But rather than lose hope, Roger and Judy decided to try for adoption.

They filed their paperwork and began the familiar process of waiting.

They waited for weeks. Then months. Then a year.

They prayed. They hoped. They leaned on each other for strength.

They practiced patience until their patience ran out... and then they practiced some more.

Then, the call came, and they welcomed their first child into their home.

In a matter of years they had 3 more children, all adopted, and all incredibly loved.

What does it mean?!

I guess the point of all this is that life just doesn't often work the way we expect it to.

The plans we make for ourselves are often foiled by serendipity and happenstance. Our biggest struggles and unexpected challenges can lead us to our most satisfying victories. The longest waits often result in the greatest payoff.

So, if there's something you're fighting for, or working for, or wishing for... hang in there. Be patient. Keep focusing on that goal. But don't forget to check your peripheral vision. Sometimes the answers we're most ready for aren't exactly where we expect them to appear.

Episode #30 - Peter and Alicia

Alicia and Peter were such a joy to sit down with and interview. Nate and I laughed so hard the entire time. That's the thing about incredible couples: when you're around them, you cannot help but feel more energized, alive, and joyful.

It was clear from the way they gazed at one another and laughed together that they were completely comfortable being fully themselves around the other person. In essence, they brought out the best, most authentic versions of each other.

That was the first lesson Peter and Alicia taught us:

You know you've found a great partner when you can be completely yourself around the other person. This includes not just the positive range of feelings, but also the freedom to be messy, neurotic, and hurting. You're with your partner more than just about anyone else- and the only person you're with more is yourself. So, choose someone who embraces and catalyzes your fullest self.

This isn't to say every second is perfect and you should never feel negative feelings in the presence of your partner. It just means you get through them more gracefully, because you feel like you have a teammate rather than an opponent.

The second lesson we learned from these two:

"Don't be weird."

Just be yourself. If someone doesn't like you for the person you really are, they aren't for you. You don't need to do the robot. It also means you have to like yourself, though. Are you happy being you? How do people feel when they are around you? How others tend to feel around you a self reflection of the kind of person you are to others and how much you love yourself.

Don't be weird about being your true self- even if your true self is super weird.

And the third great takeaway from Peter and Alicia:

"People put too much emphasis on things that aren't important, and too little emphasis on things that are." - Peter

Make sure you're clear about and proud of your priorities. What's important in a relationship? What's really a big deal, and what isn't worth fighting over?

Communicate clearly about how you feel, and be honest with your partner. That honesty, when coming from a loving, well-intentioned place, will make you stronger as a couple.

Why?

Because there's nothing quite like having a partner you can go through life with, knowing he or she accepts you, even for the things you're embarrassed to admit or afraid to share. That honesty equates to an undeniable freedom, and thus, a deeper love than you could ever imagine.

Thanks, Alicia and Peter, for the great interview- and for making us laugh for over an hour straight!

Thanks for listening! Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

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Episode #29 - Reed & Allene Whitesides

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Do you want your marriage to be rewarding, and happy for over 70 years?

Reed and Allene have done exactly that. I believe their relationship has lasted so long, and been so amazing because they have stuck to some incredibly effective and simple (though not always easy) values throughout the entirety of their relationship. Here are a few things you should do if you want your marriage to last as long as theirs:

Always Speak Kindly Of Each Other

When Allene was younger, she had a speech impediment. Even though we can all admit that it's wrong to tease people for a stutter, or mispronouncing their "R's," we've probably all thought about it. (Ok, I've definitely thought about it.)

But Reed's number one priority was always to make Allene feel good about herself. He never made fun of her for the way she spoke. He was always supportive and encouraging. "We make it a point to always speak kindly of each other."

They don't gossip about each other. They don't call names, or say hurtful things. They know words carry weight, and you can't take them back. After 70 years of kindness, and compliments, it's no wonder they get along so well.

Help Each Other Be At Their Best

When Reed got the lead for South Pacific at the university he was attending, Allene said, "Aw, crap!" She knew this meant she that she had to sit in the audience and watch her husband kiss another woman... and do it convincingly.

Rather than hold a grudge, or discourage him from pursuing his goals, she decided to help him be the best Emile de Becque that ever was. She helped him rehearse lines, understood when he had to stay late for rehearsals, and attended every performance. His success was more important than her discomfort.

The tables were turned later in their marriage when Allene was asked to be the president of a local women's organization for her church. Her leadership role meant she would spend many hours and late nights worrying about, serving, and visiting the women in her congregation. It was a big investment of her time and attention.

Rather than complain that his wife was away, or criticize her decision to take on so much responsibility in addition to raising their 7 children, Reed supported her, counseled her, and stayed up late to wait up for her when she was out dealing with unexpected situations.

When we help other people achieve their goals and become their best selves, we do not lose anything. We gain everything.

When Things Get Tough, Get To Work!

At one point in their relationship, Reed and Allene opened a jewelry shop. The shop was robbed several times, and they struggled to pay their debts. Rather than complaining about their circumstances, blaming each other, or asking for a bailout, they went to work. They encouraged each other, took any opportunity that came along, and conquered their challenges head on... together.

When things get hard, don't run away from each other, or push each other away. Instead lean on each other, and support one another.

Kiss

Get in the habit of showing your significant other how much you love them through physical affection. Hug them. Touch them. Hold their hands. Kiss them on the mouth.

It's so easy to let physical intimacy grow stale. If you're feeling like things are getting dull, surprise someone with a bit of unexpected (and tender) physical touch and see what happens.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] Thanks for listening! Don't forget to check out our Kickstarter campaign!

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Episode #28 - Love Outlasts Loss - Heidi and Benji

Imagine how it would feel to have the most important person in your life suddenly torn away from you without explanation. You are forced to sit and watch your soulmate deteriorate piece by piece as they slip out of your life. You hope and pray every day for a miracle...

Imagine how it would feel to have the most important person in your life suddenly torn away from you without explanation.

You are forced to sit and watch your soulmate deteriorate piece by piece as they slip out of your life. You hope and pray every day for a miracle... for just one more day together, one more kiss, one more smile, one more look of affection.

Meanwhile, couples all around you choose to give up, throw in the towel, and abandon their relationships when all you want is one more day, one more minute with your true love.

The unfairness is almost too cruel to comprehend.

Heidi lost her husband, Benji, to cancer one month ago at the young age of 32. During that time, they learned to live in the moment, making the best of every day they had together.

Fighting and arguing was a waste of time.

During their marriage, the most serious disagreements Benji and Heidi ever had came were a result of differences of opinion on how to spend the money, or Heidi getting after Benji for being messy. Looking back, Heidi says she'd give anything to have to clean up after him again.

Life is so incredibly fragile. We never know when the things or people most important to us will slip through our fingers. Here is my challenge to you:

If there is something that is a source of contention in your relationship today - be it with your spouse, a friend, a parent, or a sibling - ask yourself, "If I were to wake up tomorrow and this person had been taken from me, would this issue matter at all?"

Let go of petty differences. Admit you're wrong, even if you don't feel you're wrong. Say you're sorry. Fighting and arguing are a waste of time in this short life.

Now go out and tell someone you love them.

Listen to today's episode for more amazing advice on how to love from someone who has loved and lost.

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Thanks for tuning in! Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

Episode #27 - Overcoming Divorce with Garrett and Jenn

[powerpress]Garrett and Jenn have both been divorced. They'd both agree that divorce is really crappy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some things you can do to help yourself get through the big-D, and get back to your life again:

Learn Something

Divorce can be a mess. Legal battles, lawyer fees, broken hearts, and dividing assets all tossed together is a recipe for a lot of heartache and pain.

Remember that despite all the things that have gone wrong, this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Use this experience to become a better version of yourself. Use it as a fresh start. Identify what you can do better down the road, and commit to doing it... whether that's becoming a better communicator, going to codependency group meetings, seeking therapy, or learning to forgive.

If you don't learn anything from divorce, then it was all for naught.

Take Ownership Of Your Stuff

Every relationship is a two-way street. Playing the blame game and not taking responsibility for your part in the divorce doesn't do anyone any good... especially yourself. Be willing to own your mistakes. Even better... be willing to apologize for them. Nobody is perfect. Not even you.

Don't Be Selfish

Especially if kids are involved. Just because someone makes a bad spouse doesn't mean they are a bad parent. Don't let your anger and hurt bleed through and effect the relationship your kids have with their mom/dad.

Divorce is your problem, not theirs. Unfortunately, it affects them... but as their parent, it's your job to make sure the impact is minimal, and that they feel loved even if you don't.

Forgive

Forgive the other person. Forgive yourself. It may seem like the end of the world. It may seem like you will never love again. It may seem like you're not capable of being loved again.

Let go of those thoughts. Take your time. Breathe deep. Life works out, it always does. When you learn to love yourself again, the love of others will be felt like a rushing river into your heart.

If you don't believe me, listen to this podcast.

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And don't forget about our Kickstarter project! Here's 3 ways you can help spread the word:

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[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] Don't forget to subscribe to The Loveumentary on iTunes. And check out Garrett's awesomely inspirational company, DFS Lifestyle.

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Episode #26 - Are Three Wives Better Than One?

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Polygamy.

Most of us monogamous folks have hefty assumptions about plural marriage. Particularly in the case of polygyny (when a man is married to more than one wife), these descriptions aren't uncommon:

Misogynistic. Exploitive. Unethical. Ungodly. Distasteful. Selfish. Sexist.

But, how much do you know about it, really? How many of us have actually ever interacted with a polygamous family? (And, no, watching Big Love doesn't count).

Growing up, polygamy was a concept semi-grasped intellectually, but I had no observational understanding of it. In doing my research to prepare for this interview, I came across this very interesting statistic:

Globally, in a survey of 1,231 societies, only 186 were monogamous. Among the rest, 588 had frequent polygyny, 453 had occasional polygyny, and 4 practiced polyandry (when one woman is married to more than one husband at a time). (Source: Ethnographic Atlas)

...That means only about 15% of societies are monogamous.

This statistic alone raises a plethora of questions: 

• Is polygamy the human tendency? 
• Is monogamy the reason for our high rate of divorce in America? 
• Are the reasons for polygamy around the world primarily economic? 
• What does the Bible have to say about all of this? Is it more unnatural to be married to multiple people...or to one?

There are so many more, and this interview only covers the very tip of the iceberg.

But, what I can tell you about my experience during the interview is this:

The Darger family had some of the most interesting things to say about love and marriage. Any assumptions I had going into it completely melted away within moments of sitting down with them. We were greeted with open arms and hearts.

The husband, Joe Darger, said, "I feel undeserving of these three women." The wives, while admitting to struggles with jealousy, seemed to love not just their husband—but also one another. I listened to the pitter patter of their children's happy feet in the background (they have 26 kids in total, with 16 still living with them), and felt their warmth toward one another.

Polygamy is, perhaps, uncommon and frowned upon by most Americans. But, it is also misunderstood.

While my heart still desires a loving, monogamous relationship, I now have a deeper understanding of polygamy—and why some people choose it.

No matter what your stance on the topic, give this podcast a listen. If you take away from it what I did, you'll come out of this episode with an appreciation of people who love differently than you—and a richer knowledge of what it means to love big, communicate well, and honor the commitment of marriage.

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Don't forget about our Kickstarter! We're raising money to travel the country to capture more love stories like The Dargers'. We'd love it if you'd contribute:

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[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"]

• Got questions about the Darger family, or polygamy? Check out their website, or reach out to them via Twitter or Facebook.
• While you're at it, check out the Darger Family's book:

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Episode #25 - The Hostess With The Mostess

[powerpress]Melissa Joy Kong is here! She's the new co-host to The Loveumentary. She comes packed with a ton of questions, insights, mad journalistic skills, a good heart, and sheer tenacity. This episode is a great introduction to her. She'll be involved in at least the next year of episodes, and I couldn't be happier to have her.

We're gearing up to launch our Kickstarter on Monday! We're so excited to meet you and help tell all of your amazing love stories.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"]

• The More Given, The Less Earned - Dennis Prager: Does unconditional love really exist? Or more importantly, should it?
• Predicting Divorce - John Gottman: What factors contribute most to divorce?
• Managing Problems vs. Solving Problems - Chris Cowan: Sometimes there are no permanent solutions or "right" answers.
• The Formula for Love - Melissa Joy Kong: Here's Melissa's Love Formula, and it's pretty radical.
• Simple Marriage with Dr. Corey Allan - Art of Manliness: Awesome relationship theories in about 30 minutes.

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Episode 24 - Women. Religion. And Sexuality.

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Religions Preach Virtue... But Do They Do It Right?

Most religions throughout the world ask their members to follow a model of sexual purity. The rules and consequences vary in their intensity from church to church, but I believe the overall intention is typically good and pure. However, anything - including good things - if taken to an extreme can be damaging.

Self-confidence if taken to an extreme can become self-absorption. An optimist can quickly become unrealistic. Loyalty can become blindness. Honesty can become rudeness. Courage can become recklessness.

Virtue and chastity, if taken to an extreme, also possess a dark side. When sexual purity is celebrated, sexuality tends to become demonized. Sex, and even feelings of pleasure, begin to be associated with extreme feelings of guilt and shame. People develop a fear of their own bodies.

Misperceptions of Virtue = Bad Sex

Unintentionally, we create a culture of unhealthy sexual beings. Religious individuals get married and are so scared of sexual arousal that they don't have sex for weeks or even months. Or, when they do have sex, it's associated with guilt and feelings of evil and darkness.

Many couples never have good, enjoyable sex because they never explored their own bodies to understand what makes them feel good. Nor do they feel they have a right to feel good. Sexual pleasure has been portrayed as something evil.

How sad that something so beautiful, and intimate - when taken to an extreme - can tear an otherwise healthy relationship apart.

What Sex Should Be

Sex should be something that brings couples together. It is the ultimate act of unity. It is foundation of the creation of family, and the most physical manifestation of love and vulnerability.

Good sex requires work, communication, openness, selflessness, and a willingness to be in the moment and experience pleasure.

If religious-types want to raise informed and sexually healthy individuals (which I believe most do), it might be time to reframe some of the ways we teach virtue and chastity.

The following is a great start, developed by Kristin Hodson and Alisha Worthington, the guests on today's podcast. If you want to learn more about the BE HEALTHY process, and hear a bit more about how to find a healthy sexual balance for yourself, check out the podcast (at the top of the screen).

BE HEALTHY

Balance intimacy (physical, spiritual, emotional, sexual – pyramid)

Embrace your growth edge (based on trust and Risk not safety) Have realistic expectations on range of experiences (how sex is like dining, good enough sex) Engaging your partner (being deliberate, increase the eros, flirt, desire to desire) Authenticity (be present in your sex—emotions, sensations - wanting to known and be known as you/they are) Learn how your body works and your partners (this also includes knowing your sexual history) Take time and treat it like a skill (schedule it – make it matter) Have conversation and negotiate You know best (sexual agent - trust your experience, not looking to other sources to be experts on you)

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] Thanks for listening! Remember, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and get them delivered for free on a weekly basis!

Here are some of the resources we talked about in the podcast today. If you want to learn more about finding a balance between virtue and sexuality, this is a great place to start.

Real Intimacy: A Couple's Guide to Healthy Genuine Sexuality was written by today's podcast guests, Kristin Hodson and Alisha Worthington. Check out their website, The Healing Group, for counseling, support and hope.

The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality, by Alyssa Royse discusses how the current "predator/prey" model of sexual relationships is harmful to both men and women alike.

The Secret To Desire In A Long-Term Relationship is a TED Talk by Esther Perel that talks about the conflicting needs within a healthy sexual relationship. The need for security and the need for surprise. The need predictability and the need for spontaneity. The need for independence and the need for vulnerability and closeness. Communication is key to a healthy sexy life.

Sex Workshop: Click the banner below for information on Kristin and Alisha's sex workshop for women: [/jbox]

Episode 23 - Addiction

[powerpress]I hope this podcast episode can help you put addiction into perspective. We must change the way we talk about it if we want people to get the help they deserve and desperately need.

What Is Addiction?

Whenever I hear the word "Addiction" I think of a junkie in the back of a dark alley shooting up, or an angry, violent husband who beats his wife, or a college student blacked out in a puddle of his own vomit.

And yes, addiction is all those things... but it's not solely confined to those extremes. Addiction is a much more intricate, widespread, and personal issue than it is often portrayed.

Essentially an addiction is an unnatural compulsion or dependency on a substance or action.

One of the most widely-accepted myths regarding addiction is that it functions like a light switch. You're not addicted until you cross some ambiguous moral line, and then suddenly you find yourself on an episode of "Intervention." Suddenly, you're addicted.

Addiction is not binary. It is spectral.

Just like cancer, addiction can be mild or very extreme. The right treatment depends on the severity in each individual case.

Addiction is not always debilitating. You can be addicted to alcohol without blacking out in a bathroom stall every weekend. You can be addicted to porn and only consume it once every few weeks. You can even be addicted to love, or kindness if you're using it as an emotional escape, or a coping mechanism to avoid your reality. (Don't believe me? Listen to the podcast above.)

Addiction Is A Disease

Addiction is a disease of the mind just like diabetes or cancer is a disease of the body. All too often, those affected by addiction see it as a harmful decision that just needs to be stopped with the simple choice to "not do it anymore." It's similar to blaming a cancer patient for not wearing sun screen. At this point, you can't un-choose something. You have the disease. The only cure is proper treatment.

The best way to deal with addiction is to avoid blame and accusation. Instead, we need to promote education, empathy, love, and understanding. Otherwise, addiction will terrorize our relationships, and leave them an empty shell of what they had the potential to become.

Twelve-step programs are an amazing resource for those with addictions and those people who are affected by addicts.

Addiction affects us all.. and together is the only way we'll overcome it.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] Here are several books recommended by James: A portion of the purchase of any of these books via these links goes directly to support The Loveumentary.

Click here if you'd like to contact James.

If you're living in Utah, USARA is a great resource for recovery. If you live outside Utah, and would like to add any resources to this section, just leave them in the comments. I'll do my best to create a list here. [/jbox]