“My husband is just an extra child I have to take care of.”
“I feel more like his maid than his lover.”
“If I don’t take care of everything, nothing would ever get done around here.”
These are the types of statements I hear from “Overfunctioners.”
What Makes a Good Marriage?
This week I listened to a podcast featuring a guy named Richie Norton as the guest. In his mid-20's he was invited by Stephen M. R. Covey (son of Stephen R. Covey… the 7 Habits guy) to help train business professionals to be better leaders.
When he was offered the opportunity he freaked out. He felt too young and inexperienced for the gig. “You want me to go train these grey-hairs? What are they going to think?”
10 Stoic Questions For Your Marriage
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy designed to make the practitioner more resilient, happier, more virtuous, courageous, and wise.
Some of history’s greatest leaders were Stoics: Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, George Washington, Theodore Roosevelst, and more recently, people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Brady, Bill Clinton, and prominent author Ryan Holiday.
Authentic Relating with Jason Digges
How To Get Your Partner To Do More Of What You Want
Changing human behavior is typically really hard.
Don’t believe me? What percentage of people who made a New Year’s resolution to hit the gym and get in shape are still committed to it 4 weeks later?
Not many.
Because it’s HARD to change a lifetime of habits - like the time you wake up, the way you fold your socks, how you brush your teeth, or how you load the dishwasher.
Here’s something you can test out: Try mixing up your shower routine tomorrow morning. If you always wash your hair first, try starting out with your legs. Not only will you probably forget, but if you try it, it will feel SUPER unnatural.
10 Unique Anniversary Gift Ideas [2020]
My wife and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary.
We have a tradition where every year, she and I alternate between planning something for our anniversary, and planning Valentine’s Day.
This year it was my turn to make anniversary plans… and I cheated.
I reached out to the Growth Marriage audience, and asked them to share their favorite, or most creative anniversary gift ideas.
The responses I got back were phenomenal, so I thought I’d share them here.
Idea 1: Through The Years Book
This idea embraces the scrapbooking approach…
It’s thoughtful, sentimental, romantic, and not over-the-top (which I love).
Here’s what you do:
Step 1) Get an empty pretty journal.
Step 2) Dedicate one page of the journal to one year of your marriage. (Make sure you write the year on the page.)
Step 3) Write about a few memorable moments during that year. Or, how you felt about your partner. Or something special that occurred.
This year might be a photo of your pregnant wife.
Next year, would be your new child.
Four years ago would be your beautiful wedding photo.
Step 4) Every year from this day forward, you will add a page. Maybe you have two pages and one has a special photo that year.
Throughout the year, keep a notepad and write down memorable things that you might write about on anniversary day because when life gets stressful, we tend to forget what occurred during a given year.
Bonus Points: Go back through the past years of your marriage and add them to the book retroactively.
Idea 2: Favorite Things
Have you done a favorite things?
Try going out of your way to do some things that are her favorites.
It can be such a meaningful experience!
Here’s an example of a husband surprising his wife with some of her favorite things… just to give you an idea of how awesome it can be. Watching this totally made me smile:
Idea 3: Pamper Your Partner
One person said, “When I was pregnant like your wife, my favorite gift was a prenatal massage!”
Someone else said, “Get a pedicure together! Pick each other’s color polish for your toes (yes, you too Nate) and have fun sitting relaxing in a massage chair....this is WONDERFUL for any pregnant woman.”
(We totally did this, by the way! My wife and I went and got pedicures together. I had a massage scheduled for her a day or two later… but she went into labor the day before the massage, so she didn’t get to experience that.)
Idea 4: Love Letters
Someone else wrote me and shared this great idea:
One thing I do is we write each other a letter every year. I put them in a file and each anniversary we read some of them.
It’s a good reminder when we’re struggling, and it’s fun to see the changes and reference how much we love each other.
Idea 5: Scavenger Hunt
Put together a scavenger hunt with 10 to 12 clues based on memories and milestones of your relationship, like:
How you met,
Where your first date was,
Your first meal together,
The first time you said I love you,
How you proposed, etc.
Let's say your first date was at a pizza restaurant that no longer exists, the clue can be related to pizza and you can even order a pizza. Present the clues on pretty paper in a cute box or attach them to her favorite flowers, then go re-live the memories!
Idea 6: The Getaway
Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels
I would highly suggest doing a little baby moon/anniversary getaway if you can both get away from work for a weekend!
Go on a fun road trip, and/or stay at a quaint bed and breakfast or a romantic Airbnb and just enjoy being together!
Idea 7: The Romantic Staycation
Seeing as how your wife has been so busy, she may appreciate a quiet night where she has no responsibilities and can just relax. Maybe a nice dinner brought in.
I’ve been buying gold tipped roses from a jeweler in our town so she has a keepsake that will last longer than a week.
Idea 8: Daily Love Journal
This one I got from Darren Hardy and it takes a year to do.
What you do is write something in a notebook every day that you appreciate/love about Ang. Then in a year's time you give it to her.
She'll cry.
If you can't do it every day, do it every week and have 52 weeks of love.
Idea 9: Surprise Picnic
Photo by Maddog 229 from Pexels
For our 10th anniversary, I had breakfast with my wife in the morning at her favorite breakfast spot.
I had her meet me for lunch at another good restaurant near where I worked at the time and when I had to go back to work, I sent her off to the spa for an hour or two.
After work, we went to our hotel, before heading to a large park in St. Louis, where I had arranged ahead of time to have my friends set a picnic blanket, basket and all the trimmings.
Once we arrived at the park, we took a walk in the direction of the picnic setting, which my wife did not know was set up for us. We had to eat between raindrops but we had a great and memorable evening.
Idea 10: Something Sexy
I think your wife would be blessed by being pampered—buy her a gorgeous nighty or sexy lingerie to give her that night—maybe take her to a beautiful hotel with a spa for a massage—especially for those beautiful feet—a lovely dinner—roses—a scented oil massage from you— That sounds special and beautiful to me.
Bonus Idea:
Decorate 4 corners of your house with a milestone or memory from each of your 4 years. Make it sensory! An activity, song, or food. The final activity can be what memory you want to create for this year.
Want More Awesome Marriage Tips?
Every week I post a new video on my Youtube Channel that’s packed full of tips, tools, and principles you can use to create deeper connection, have better communication, develop deeper trust, and spice up the chemistry.
We shouldn't be struggling with this
“He doesn’t make time for the family like he used to… and he doesn’t pursue me anymore. He’s gotten lazy.” she said.
“Well, she doesn’t appreciate all I do for the family! I work hard so we can live a comfortable lifestyle. I do my best, and it’s never enough.” he said.
“We shouldn’t be having these problems!” she said.
“Right, nobody else we know is struggling with anything like this. If this relationship was meant-to-be, wouldn’t things just work out?” he added.
Ever feel this way, [FIRST NAME GOES HERE]? Like if your relationship was meant-to-be, you shouldn’t be struggling like you are?
