Episode #42 - Marriage Isn't For You with Seth and Kim

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Why Wait? Grab a Snickers.

We live in a world of instant gratification.

Bored? You've got Angry Birds and CandyCrush at your fingertips.

Hungry? Your food can be ready for you to eat in less time than it takes to drive up to a window and pay for your meal.

Horny? Porn is just a mouse-click away, not to mention Tinder and Craigslist are teaming with people looking for a casual hookup.

Netflix and Hulu give us instant TV shows and movies. Spotify, GrooveShark and RDIO give us instant access to our favorite songs. Instagram, Twitter, Vine and Facebook... they give us instant social validation and approval with a quick double-tap, up-vote, or like from friends we never talk to.

My generation has ben dubbed "The Selfie Generation," and I believe that title doesn't just reflect our propensity to extend our arm and pull faces at our cell phone without any explanation in public. It's because we have been bred to be outrageously selfish.

Why So Selfish?

I've been thinking a lot about selfishness lately, and how attached selfishness is to instant gratification. I'm convinced that most of us are not consciously selfish. The desire for instant gratification comes from the need to fill a void, or to escape from pain, self-loathing, loneliness, shame, awkwardness, nerves or even our own thoughts.

We feel like if we can escape these feelings, their absence will leave us in a state of love.

We have been duped into believing that at the end of their pursuit of instant gratification we will find love. The sad irony is that love - true love - does not ever coexist with selfishness.

Love cannot be found on a screen, in a bottle, or on a plate. Love is something that is created by setting down the phone, turning off the computer, setting aside the bottle, and meaningfully investing in yourself and others.

Love is created when you stop trying to escape life, and start serving, uplifting, and living for others.

What are you using to escape your life?

What's your escape? What are you using to fill the void that love could occupy? Is it shopping, or romantic novels? Maybe your'e addicted to work, alcohol, pills, or other substances? Do you get phantom vibrations in your pocket when you leave your cell phone in there for too long?

Everyone has an escape... and inside of every escape is space for more love. Is your escape worth it?

Check out Seth Adam Smith's new book, "Marriage Isn't For You, It's For The One You Love."

You can also check out more of his writing on his personal blog, and on his website, Forward Walking.

The full length episode for purchase will be coming soon (as soon as it gets approved by iTunes).

Thanks to Stars for the Intro Music:

And to Matty Blades for the Theme Music:

Episode #41 - Love Training with Hank and Sueann

Practice Makes Progress

I grew up playing sports. Ever since I was a kid I played soccer, basketball, ran track, and one season of little league baseball (which is how I found out I desperately needed glasses. Thanks for realizing that the reason I missed every ball was because I couldn't see it, Mr. Davis!).

My favorite sport was always soccer. When I played recreation soccer my team would practice once - maybe twice a week if we were lucky. I wasn't a great player until I became a teenager and decided that I wanted to play on the high school team. I started practicing more frequently. I'd dribble and shoot the ball in the back yard, and practice using my left foot. I joined a competitive soccer league and played with a bunch of guys who played at a much higher level than I did. It pushed me outside my comfort zone, and helped me grow.

Then I tried out for the high school team. By some miracle I snuck under the bar and made the team. It was immediately obvious that I was out of my comfort zone. I was smaller, in worse shape, and had less experience than almost everyone on the team. I was nervous, but I decided to just show up every day and put in the work.

I've never improved so quickly. Being thrown onto a team where everyone was so much better, and expected me to be better, did wonders for my soccer skills. We practiced every day for hours. I got in shape. I learned skills like how to use my body to gain position, or how to time my runs to be the first one to the ball. I learned how to shoot with more power, and how to read the field and predict the best place to put the ball.

Every noticeable improvement in my skills over the years could really be traced back to the frequency, the level of intensity, and the intentionality of my practice.

You see where this is going, don't you?

When talking with Hank and Sueann, Hank mentioned something that has always stayed with me. He said,

In relationships, we practice at the level of the league we end up playing for.

In other words, if you always want to be playing in the relationship little leagues, it requires little effort. It's not hard to swipe right on tinder, or find casual hookups every few weeks. It's easy to walk away from something when it gets hard. It's easy to find excuses to not invest every day.

On the other hand, there are only a few people in the world who get to experience the World Series kind of love... but they're the ones who fall in love with the practice. They push themselves every day to be better. They work to push their partners to grow and improve. They watch each others backs and pick up each others slack without complaining. They swing for the fences when they're up to bat, and sprint to every base. There are no vacations. There are no days off. And they love it.

It's not necessarily a bad thing to want to play in the little leagues... but playing at this level, you'll never know the glory of the world series.

If you want that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of love, you have to be willing to put in the practice.

What are some of the things you do regularly to put in the practice? What can you do to elevate your game?

Episode #40 - Say Yes To Adventure with Josh and Jenny Solar

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The Power Of Integrity

It's inherently easy to love people when we know we can trust them. The best friend who would be there without question in a moment of need. The parental figure who would cross the globe on the next available flight if they were worried about you. The significant other that shows up every day without question, and chooses you.

As humans, we crave connection... and let's face it, the only people we truly let into our hearts are those we really trust.

So, how do we gain trust? Well, the most basic element of trust is integrity.

Integrity, put simply, is doing what you say you will do.

I've recently become fascinated with the topic of integrity. In the last few months I've had my life turned upside down. All of that chaos has provided me with a long, hard look at my life from a brand new perspective. One thing has become very apparent: the majority of the pain I've caused myself and caused others in life can be traced back to a lack of integrity on my part.

There have been moments where I've avoided being honest to preserve my pristine reputation. There have been times I've indulged in selfish behaviors despite knowing my actions were inconsistent with my values. I've said mean things in an attempt to be funny, and hurt people I cared about. I've buried the flaws I don't want others to see in order to avoid looking broken and human.

When I do these things, I feel a pang in my gut. It's a feeling that washes over me screaming, "You're not being authentic! That's not who you are!" I'm flooded with guilt and shame. I sacrifice my integrity to avoid looking stupid, and although it might fool people in to liking me more in the moment, with time they always figure out the truth, and I'm left feeling like a fraudulent human being.

Living with integrity, though not always easy, is the key to renewed self-esteem, healthy relationships, and quiet confidence.

Talk is Cheap Because We Make It Cheap

The thing I love most about Josh and Jenny is that they have mastered the art of integrity. One of their family mottos is "We don't talk about doing cool stuff. We DO cool stuff."

They don't just talk about creating memories together. They wake up on Saturday mornings and celebrate the weekend with special pancake breakfasts and smoothies! They slow dance in the kitchen with each other. They pull over their car in the middle of a road trip to make out in the rain.

They don't just talk about putting their kids first, they completely reinvent their careers to make sure they get to spend as much meaningful time together as a family as possible.

They don't just talk about going to Europe one day. They check their kids out of school, buy plane tickets, and find a place to stay for 4 months.

There is something to be said about knowing the person next to you is going to do exactly what they say they will do. Ever. Single. Day. It creates space for a special kind of love that few people get to share... the love that comes with perfect trust, confidence, and commitment.

It's this kind of integrity that allows the Solars to say "yes" to adventure. They can literally see something that excites them, make a decision to pursue it, and trust with complete confidence that it will happen... because when they say something, they do it.

Integrity gives you power in love and in life. Integrity is the essence of creation. And integrity is such an incredibly simple principle to put into practice. It starts with yourself.

Where do you lack integrity in your life? Is it your health? Is it being reliable and on time? Is it putting in an honest day's work? Is it being honest in your relationships? Start improving your integrity today. Make a commitment to have perfect integrity in one area of your life, and then do it. Adventure, opportunity, and connection are sure to follow.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] Check out the Solar's amazing website, The Happy Family Movement. It will inspire you.

Want more awesomeness? Check out their new product dedicated to helping people be more present and engaged with those they love... Phone Monster!

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Episode #39 - Kendall and Bradford: Ready? Set... Laugh!

Kendall and Bradford are hands down one of my favorite couples. I've never met a couple who knows how to laugh like they do.

The more people I meet in life, the more I realize how rare, special, and important are they who can laugh loud and long about nearly anything. Everyone loves to be around someone who laughs. I think the only thing better than laughing is the feeling you get when you make someone else laugh... like really really laugh. It's euphoric.

One of the saddest things in the world is when I see couples who have forgotten what it's like to laugh together. They're souless, and boring, and depressing.

Laughter is like the fountain of youth for relationships.

Some people think that keeping the passion alive in your partnership means having wild passionate swinging-from-the-rafters sex forever. Personally, I can't think of anything more beautiful or incredible than a couple in their nineties that can still make each other laugh until their bellies hurt and tears stream out of their eyes. That's the type of passion I'd prefer.

I mean, what good is sex if the person you're with can't even make you smile?

Laughter can brighten a cloudy day. It can ease a tense situation, and calm troubled nerves. Laughter can unite people under the banner of a new inside joke, or make an embarrassing moment more tolerable. Laughter relaxes the muscles of the body, releases endorphins, decreases stress, and improves blood flow.

Laughter is awesome.

You guys! Life is too short not to laugh all the time... every day!

Bradford and Kendall have been through their share of conflicts and dramatic moments, but they know that if they hold on to the negative of those situations and refuse to laugh at them, the negativity will rule their relationship. Laughter releases you of the bonds of dread, shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, resentment, and sadness.

If you need help remembering how to laugh - or even what to laugh at - watch this Pete Holmes video. His point is so beautiful, and articulates some of my favorite qualities in Bradford and Kendall.

If you need a good example of how laughter can help a relationship succeed, click here.

Want to keep in touch with Bradford? Here's his blog!

Episode #38 - Dr. Wendy Walsh on The Value of Sex

The Price of Sex

(Excerpt from the podcast)

The price of sex has dropped from, in our grandmother’s generation, it was probably a year of dating, in my generation it was 3 dates. We had a thing called the 3-date Rule in the 80’s. Now the price of sex has dropped down to the barrel-bottom price of one well-worded text.

What it takes to grow a long term bond isn’t sex. It’s everything else! It’s communication skills, conflict resolution skills, empathy, compassion. It’s really hard to develop those when your brain is being assaulted with a dopamine rush not unlike the one you get from heroine that you get from a new sexual relationship.

Men can have sex with the same woman every week for 6 months and not like her any more after 6 months than they did on the first day.

Just because you're having sex, doesn't mean you're in love.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is internationally renown as the “Love Guru.” She was nominated for an Emmy Award for her work as co-host on The Dr. Phil spinoff, The Doctors TV show. She also hosts Investigation Discovery Network’s “Happily NEVER After,” as well as being part of Dr. Drew’s Behavior Bureau on HLN Network. On CNN and 9 Network, Australia, she breaks down the psychology of sex, love, gender roles, divorce, parenting and other human behaviors.

Check out Dr. Walsh's book here:

Intro music: Daft Punk - Digital Love

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Episode #37 - Forgiveness and Sex with Ty and Terri

Forgiveness isn't fair. If somebody really hurt you, you don't want to let them off the hook because what they did was wrong. And if you have a high sense of justice, you think "I can't, because it's not fair." He hasn't suffered enough. He hasn't paid for his wrongs enough.

To enter a relationship is to court pain.
-Leo Buscaglia

If we truly desire to experience deep, soul-shaking, life-changing love, we have to drop our shields, tear down our walls, and let people into our hearts. To love is to constantly run the risk of being hurt. Loving is staring potential pain in the face without flinching.

Sadly, people who live this way - and love this way - sometimes get hurt. The hurts of the heart are often the most painful. That pain can be dangerous if you don't have the right knowledge and tools to help you recover from these hurts. Many people have opened their hearts to love freely and passionately only to be hurt, and react by building new walls twice as thick as before.

There is a secret tool available to us that will help keep us out of our Fortress of Solitude. That tool is Forgiveness.

Too many people withhold forgiveness because the person who wronged them hasn't suffered enough, or even acknowledged that they've done something wrong. They hold on to the emotionally-cancerous grudge as it slowly eats away at their happiness and consumes their lives. They don't understand the true purpose of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does far more for the forgiver than the forgivee.

Forgiveness is allowing yourself to move on. Forgiveness is letting go of the burden of a grudge. Forgiveness is not allowing someone else's choices to ruin your life. Forgiveness is acknowledging the imperfectness in us all, and chalking up mistake after mistake to being human. Forgiveness is a fresh start. Forgiveness is a clean slate. Forgiveness is a newly opened heart... a heart receptive to love and resilient to the inevitable pain that life unexpectedly hit us with.

Forgiveness is not fair, which is what makes it so beautiful.

Forgiveness is mercy winning over justice. It's love conquering hate. It's new life rising victorious over death.

Forgiveness, like love, is often irrational and counter-intuitive. It works when put into practice by the shamelessly optimistic. Forgiveness is often mistaken for a feeling, when in fact, it's a choice.

Those who never learn forgive will never have hearts open enough truly love... because, one forgives to the degree that one loves.

Who do you need to forgive? How can you forgive more freely? Can you forgive somebody even if the emotions of pain are still present? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments!

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Here are some of the books referenced in the podcast:

Episode #36 - Ty and Terri pt. 1

Favorite quote from this episode: You become what the most important person in your life thinks that you are. "At the end of Ty's life, I want him to be able to say, 'Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life - the best thing that ever happened to me - and that I'm a better man because of how she loved me.

The Art Of Loving

A while ago, I came across this Youtube video of a drummer in a wedding band. The band - like most wedding bands - was good, not great. The vocals were relatively tight. The lead guitar was hitting all his hammers and runs. But they weren't anything incredibly special or unique... and then I saw the drummer.

Seriously guys. The drummer!

This dude (Steve "The Mad Drummer" Moore) was playing the drums as if it were his last performance in front of a sold out crowd at Madison Square Garden. It was as if his drum sticks were determining the very beat of the earth's heart, and if he were to stop, the humanity as we know it would cease to exist. Steve wasn't playing the drums. He was the drums.

I couldn't stop smiling.

Seriously. Watch:

We all have a friend like Steve "The Mad Drummer" Moore. They are always the first person on the dance floor. They could turn a funeral into a party. They can talk to anyone. They will try anything. They dive in head first, and live life turned up to 11, and they do it all with a smile.

Ty and Terri love this way.

Listening to them talk about their relationship is like watching a professional mime play Charades, or Josh Groban sing Karaoke. They have mastered the art of love by falling in love with practicing.

Fall In Love With The Practice

There's something to be said about loving to practice.

When I was a kid I played the piano for over a decade. I got pretty good... but I hated to practice. My parents forced me for years to sit down at that piano for 30-60 minutes a day and pound on those keys. I got good enough to accompany choirs, and impress a few girls...

Then there was this girl who lived up the street. She LOVED the piano. She played for hours on end. She was in love with practicing. She could sit down and look at any sheet of music and make the melodies flow from that black box like some sort of musical sorcerer. When she played ragtime, you could see smoke rise from the keyboard. When she played the classics, you couldn't help but close your eyes and sway to the music. She didn't just hit the keys. She pulled emotions, and life out of them.

She was amazing... because she LOVED to practice.

When we asked Terri about loving Ty, she said this:

At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, "Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life - the best thing that ever happened to me - and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me." And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.

It's already obvious that Terri loves Ty, but what makes their relationship so incredible isn't that they love each other. Millions of couples love each other. The secret is that they love loving each other. They love practicing love on each other.

They love serving each other.

They love complimenting each other.

They love surprising each other, comforting each other, encouraging each other, touching each other, and bragging about each other.

Love is an art, and they are master artists because they've fallen in love with the practice. They refuse to settle for less than their best every day.

Are you in love with loving? What can you do to enjoy the practice of loving more fully? What did you think about Ty and Terri's interview? Please leave your thoughts, tips, and ideas in the comments!

If you want more from Ty and Terri, you can check out Ty's book "A Thousand Screaming Mules - The Story of Stubbon Hope and One Dad's Dream to Transform Kids' Lives"

Also check out Ty's podcast, Wordz from the Hood, where he and former Hope Center for Kids youth Frank Lucas, provide a window into the heart of life in the inner city for young people.

Episode #35 - Jay and Lara

How Are You Choosing To Show Up Today?

The difference between the truly legendary people who leave a lasting impact on this world, and the billions of merely average and "good" people, is how the legends decide to show up. Every. Single. Day.

One choice made over and over, every day - to show up - is what made Michael Jordan into the greatest basketball player of all time. It's what got Abraham Lincoln elected as President. It's how Steve Jobs turned his vision into a modern-day empire. The decision to show up, to fight with conviction, to inspire, and to do the work that nobody else is willing to do is what separates the excellent from the average.

This principle doesn't just apply to ideas, careers, and companies. It also applies to relationships... which is why most marriages are merely average. Truly legendary marriages require a consistent effort and dedication to showing up that most people are unwilling to commit to.

Marriage is a continual process. It's a re-commitment to each other. That it requires continual forgiveness, continual self-growth and examination.

-Lara Ward

After talking to over 100 couples about love, I believe that what we've allowed our society to deem as a "good" relationship is not good enough. We can change what is acceptable. We can raise the average. We can pull ourselves out of the mire of crap that we all too often get sucked into.

Can you really find a way to let the other person be who they are, and can you be who you are? But you get mired in all this crap. You get mired in all the little stuff, and the pettiness, and the day-to-day stuff. Sometimes you have to remove yourself if you can, and take a look at the big picture. What's the goal?...At the end of the day, if I made her life special, that would be pretty cool.

-Jay Ward

The greatest relationships are reserved for the people who are willing to dig deep, battle personal demons, and show up every day.

As Theodore Roosevelt said,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

What do you think? Has our society grown complacent when it comes to love? What does it mean to "show up" in a relationship? How can you show up better? I'd love to hear your ideas in the comments!

You can follow Jay and Lara's travels on Lara's blog here.

Episode #34 - You Get What You Settle For with Jenna McCarthy

Just a heads up: This podcast contains adult language, including several "F-bombs." People with sensitive ears, be warned. Everyone else, prepare to laugh. Jenna is hilarious.

What does it take to have an amazing relationship? What does it take to not only avoid a disaster, but to rise above the mediocrity and complacency that has infected most modern-day relationships? Here are two tips from Jenna McCarthy that will help you elevate your game.

Be Yourself

"Be healthy and happy. You have to be the best you can be.

Be yourself.

My parents had a horrible marriage. They would get in a fight, and my mom would say, 'I will forgive you if you send me flowers once a week.'

So my dad would call the florist, give them his credit card number and say 'Every Wednesday, deliver this, or I'll be in the dog house.'

And then she would get her flowers and say, 'Look at your father! He gave me flowers!'

No! There's no meaning behind that. There's no love behind that. It's so disingenuous.

You want to be loved for who you are. You really have to like yourself. If you don't like who you are, nobody else ever will."

You get what you settle for.

You never ever ever ever get more than you settle for. Not ever. Not in any situation in life. Not in a job. Not in a hobby. Not in a relationship.

Are you settling for a relationship full of criticism, nagging, and impatience?

Are you settling for a relationship full of laziness, lack of connection, and disengagement?

Are you settling for a relationship of selfishness, constant arguing, and backstabbing?

Are you settling by playing the victim card? Are you expecting someone else to make you happy, or feel loved? Are you waiting for someone else to make the effort to make your relationship great?

You get what you settle for.

Instead, settle into a relationship full of forgiveness, encouragement, compliments, and growth.

Settle down with someone who will be an active participant in creating something meaningful every day with you.

Settle down with a partner, someone who you can trust will choose to be happy, healthy, and encouraging.

Choose to settle with someone who will fight for you, not with you.

You Get What You Settle For | The Loveumentary | Sunset Love by Jon Fife

Check out Jenna's website for her book trailers, her hilarious blog, and for more information on her books. Find her on the Twitters and the Facebooks too!

Here's Jenna's TED talk on what you don't know about marriage:

The intro music was Buttons by Sia... here's the video. It's awesomely strange:

Theme music, as always, is provided by Matty Blades. [/jbox]

Episode #33 - Your Relationship Lacks Intimacy, And It's Your Fault... Ladies

Warning: This post and the associated podcast are controversial... which is exactly why I like them so much.

Ladies, does your relationship suck? Has it grown stale and boring? Do you feel hopeless, and yearn to feel connected and adored?

What if I told you it's all your fault?

Wait, wait, wait! Don't close your browser!

I get it. It sounds ridiculously chauvinistic and immature. Of course it's easy for me to absolve myself of blame and say that a lack of intimacy in a relationship is not a man's fault, but a woman's... but what if I told you this idea isn't something me and my guy friends cooked up during some late-night video game and pizza binge? What if I told you it came from a relationship expert who is also conveniently (for me) a woman?

Laura Doyle believes that women are the gatekeepers to intimacy in a relationship. She has focused her entire career on empowering women (she refuses to work with men, or even couples) with skills, tactics, and tools to radically transform their average, mundane, or even horrible relationships. If a lack of intimacy exists, and abuse is not present in the relationship, she believes women have the power to change it.

6 Intimacy Skills to Transform Your Relationship

1. Self Care - In any relationship, you are responsible for your own happiness. If you rely on others to fill your self-worth tank, you'll inevitably end up stranded on the side of the highway of life, broken down, frustrated, and alone. Rather than relying on others to fill up that love tank, take initiative and fill it up yourself. This means you must love yourself, not just with words, but with actions.Make a list of things that fill you with joy, energy, and happiness then do those things every day. Make them a priority. Whether it's sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee, calling an old friend, writing in your journal, meditation or yoga, reading out of a good book, or some intense exercise, make a commitment to do the stuff you love religiously... make it as big of a priority as brushing your teeth - which you do regularly (I hope).

2. Relinquish Inappropriate Control - Did you know that something as simple as telling a man he's doing something wrong - even when well-intentioned - can be incredibly emasculating? As a man, I feel a sense of pride when I can provide, protect, or otherwise take care of those that I love. Often times, correcting things (especially small things), make us feel like we can't do anything right. It's easy to feel defeated, incompetent, and worthless when you can't even dress yourself, or clean a mirror properly.Sure, many of you may say that I'm being over-sensitive. We men just need to "pony up" and "be a man" when it comes to taking criticism. Well, as a man, I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart: If you want more intimacy in your relationship, think before you speak. Your words can fill us up with courage, open us up to vulnerability, and give us the courage to slay dragons... or they can strip us of our confidence. The ball is in your court.

3. Receive Graciously - When a man gives you something, whether it's a gift, a compliment, or some form of help, he's reaching out in an attempt to connect. It's a display of his love and care. A rejection or dismissal of his effort to bond with you are not only a rejection of the offer itself, but a rejection of his attempt to connect, and subsequently a rejection of him.Rather than play the "not good enough" card, thank him and tell him how much you appreciate him... because he thinks you're good enough, and sometimes that's all that matters.

4. Respect - For this skill, I quote Mrs. Doyle herself. Her words are just too perfect: "Lack of respect causes more divorces than cheating does because for men, respect is like oxygen. They need it more than sex. Respect means that you don't dismiss, criticize, contradict or try to teach him anything. Of course he won't do things the same way you do; for that, you could have just married yourself. But with your respect, he will once again do the things that amazed and delighted you to begin with -- so much so that you married him."

5. Gratitude - Good men don't do kind things with the expectation of thanks, but honestly, nothing is sexier than a woman who regularly expresses gratitude... especially for the things that you don't expect them to be grateful for. When a woman expresses appreciation for something I did for them, it makes me feel like $1 million. It makes me want to do more nice things more often.Cultivating a habit of expressing gratitude every day will also put you in a mindset of looking for the very best things. When you see and recognize the best in a man, he will rise to the occasion, and become the best version of himself. Your gratitude has the ability to unlock hidden reserves of potential, intimacy, and overwhelming love.

6. Vulnerability - A truly intimate and trusting relationship requires vulnerability at its very core. Getting naked emotionally with someone often requires a lot more of that trust than getting naked physically with them. Being vulnerable requires honesty and assertiveness, and responsibility. Merely expressing how we feel is now vulnerability. Rather than nagging or criticizing, state your desires. "I feel lonely," is far more vulnerable than "You never come home on time." "I miss you so much," is far more vulnerable than, "When was the last time you took me on a date?"Striving to come to the table palms-open to express your feelings and your needs is courageous... and this approach not only avoids putting men on the defensive, but encourages them to do what they love doing most: step up to the plate and make their women happy.

Most of us do not realize how much individual power we possess to influence, change, and improve our relationships. We get stuck in the tedium of the day-to-day. We forget that little things can make an enormous difference. I hope you have the courage to give these 6 tips a try in your relationship... especially if you see it suffering.

And don't forget to listen to today's podcast at the top of the page. It is full of amazing stuff that blew my mind. I'm sure it will rock yours as well.

Thanks for reading and listening to the podcast. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes to get episodes delivered to your computer every week!

Check out Laura Doyle's website The Surrendered Wife. And here are some links to her books:

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