See The Good Then Be The Good

Welcome to the 30-Day Gratitude Challenge!

Just typing that word "challenge" makes me a little anxious. Does it stress you out to read it?

Maybe you're excited about the challenge! The timing is perfect, and you were just thinking the other day how you could use a little gratitude in your life. If that's the case, awesome! Welcome aboard!

Maybe you're thinking, "Great, a 30-Day Challenge. One more thing to add to my list. I probably won't even make it past the first week." If that's the case, awesome! Welcome aboard!

Maybe you're here because someone you care about (or someone you haven't spoken to since high school graduation) posted a link on their Facebook feed. If that's the case, awesome! Welcome aboard!

I know it might sound a little crazy... but I want to make you a promise: Regardless of why you're here, what attitude you arrived with, or the trials life has handed you, if you have the guts to spend the next 30 days immersing yourself in gratitude YOUR. LIFE. WILL. TRANSFORM.

It scares me to make a promise like that, especially without knowing you or your life circumstances. But I stand by it. That's how much I believe in the power of gratitude.

How To Get The Most Out Of The Challenge

To get the most out of this challenge, I have a few suggestions. They are simple and powerful. If done regularly, they will help you along this month-long journey... and you will be glad you did them.

1. Read every post from the 30-Day Challenge. Whether that means you visit the blog ever day, or you get the messages delivered to your email, read every post. Some of my favorite people will be sharing some very personal and very powerful stories with you. It is my belief that personal stories are incredibly powerful teaching tools. They allow us to see ourselves in others in the most honest, beautiful, and sometimes terrifying ways.Use these stories as a mirror.Open your head and heart to being taught from the experiences of others.
2. Write down your daily gratitudes. Get a journal. It can be a spiral-bound notebook, a deck of 3x5 cards, a moleskin notebook, a journaling app... you decide. Every day, write down something or many things you're grateful for. Challenge yourself. Dig deep. Start with easy stuff if you have to, but don't be afraid to look for reasons to be grateful for the tough things in your life, like that breakup, the death of a loved-one, an insecurity you've struggled with your whole life, or the betrayal of a friend. As you train yourself to see the good in everything (and yes, I mean EVERYTHING), you will see that everything in your life becomes good.
3. Express your gratitude for others. Everyone loves to feel appreciated. When people express gratitude for me, I feel full. I get this ball of energy in my gut, and it shoots through my chest, and floods my arms and legs and head till it fills my entire body. When someone I love tells me how much I mean to them, it makes me feel like I can conquer the world. I get a desire to be my very best self for them. It makes me want to do more and be more. Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action said, "There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it." My belief is that gratitude is one of the purest forms of inspiration. Express gratitude this month and watch those around you begin to live as the very best version of themselves!
4. Join the Facebook Group. If you want to share your story, or if you want some extra accountability or encouragement, there's a Facebook Group for that. The people in this group are fantastic. They are the best kind of people. They will be there for you just as you will be there for them. If you want that extra push, join the group and interact. You'll get out of it what you put into it.

Thank You

Before I wrap up, I wanted to thank you... and not just the collective "you" that is the internet, but you. The you that is reading this right now at this very second.

Thank you for reading to the end of this post. Thank you for participating in this community. Thank you for making The Loveumentary what it is. Without you, all of this - hundreds of blog posts, days worth of podcast recordings, countless Facebook updates and emails - would be completely empty and meaningless.

Without you, I wouldn't have crossed the country in search of so many amazing people with such incredible lessons. These amazing people wouldn't have shared their stories. And I would be working a desk job wondering what to do with my life.

Thank you for giving me purpose. Thank you for giving me meaning. Thank you for showing up and making a difference. By reading this today, you have given me something that I could not have given myself. For that, I love you.

Now, go be grateful! Choose what you love then love love love love love what you choose. Love it with everything you've got!

Love,

Nate

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What's It Like To Be In Love?

Today on Reddit, user SavageHenry0311 responded to a girl's question about self-esteem by trying to describe what it's like for a guy to fall in love. It was so great I thought I'd share it with you...

Here's a link to the original:

I am not pretty, and I never will be. I can wear make up, do my hair, wear a lovely dress and heels and I'll never look like a 9/10. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does- I want to be beautiful, and I get so jealous that these other girls are born pretty. How do you deal with not being attractive to most men? How do you accept how you look and learn to love yourself regardless? I've always hated myself because of it and I feel like this is wrong because I'm a good person, so why should it matter? I blame everything on my looks- she doesn't like me because I'm ugly, I wasn't invited because I'm ugly, that person walking past me sniggered because I'm ugly etc etc.

---

I'm not "mansplaining" or trying to discount how you feel - I'm offering a perspective that might help. Believe me - I know what it's like to dislike your body. I got zapped in Iraq and I've got some unsightly scars, and I sometimes struggle to accept that I'll never be as physically capable as I used to be. Fucking sucks sometimes.

Anyway...I wish I could let you into a man's head as he's falling in love with a woman. It's a process that's so alien, so strange, that I'm afraid you've got to experience it to believe it. But it's as real as death and taxes....

Sometimes, a guy will meet a gal and think nothing of it. Maybe she's a co-worker, classmate, or his buddy's friend. She gets mentally categorized as "Female, acquaintance, feelings neutral". Then, he gets to know her better. If they mesh personality-wise, something fascinating happens in the man's mind. He starts to notice things about her appearance - pleasant things. It starts small - one day he realizes he likes looking at the curve of her nose, or where her ear lobe meets her face.

It's nothing he can put his finger on or describe, really...just that looking at that part of her makes him feel good. He starts wanting to do that more. Then, he notices an expression she makes - could be her genuine belly-laugh, or the way she furrows her brow in concern - and he gets a little flutter in his chest.

They stay friendly for awhile, get to know each other better.

Then, one day, she hugs him goodbye....and he can't stop thinking about it. He plays it over and over in his head - the feel of her breasts through two shirts, her arms around his back, her smell...he finds these little mental movies of her playing unbidden when he's driving somewhere, squeezing out his other usual daydreams.

Shortly thereafter, the guy realizes that whenever he looks at this woman, he feels good. He likes her lines, her curves, her sounds and smells...

It's like she's gradually turned from a black-and-white photo into a 3D color movie with surround-sound - a perfect movie that makes him feel good. He starts wondering what he can do to keep her around, to make her happy. He realizes that he likes looking at her more than any other human being in the world. To him, she is perfect and beautiful.

A man in love with a woman doesn't see her objectively. There is a filter there, or some kind of participatory illusion. He does not see who you see in the mirror. He is seeing someone beautiful and perfect and sublime, and it's one of the most powerful things in his life.

Go watch a happy old couple that's been married for decades. Watch the man's eyes. Sure, he may appreciate some young woman's ass in yoga pants or whatever...but watch his eyes when he's looking at his spouse. If you're paying close enough attention, you can almost see the filter click on when his gaze settles on her. In that moment, he's not seeing the same frumpy empty-nester that you or I see - he's seeing something wonderful.

No shit. If I hadn't lived this stuff, I wouldn't believe it either. But it's true.

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We're about to launch the Loveumentary's 30-Day Gratitude Challenge! Step up your gratitude game. Be more active in the way you practice gratitude in your life. Sign up to get daily email updates here:

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5 Important Relationship Lessons You Can Learn From an Arranged Marriage

Some of the most powerful lessons I've learned as I've interviewed hundreds of couples have come from some of the least common relationships. This interview was no exception. You'll quickly see the deep, abiding, and unique love that can be created even if you don't date before marriage.

Here are 5 lessons I took away from interviewing Iskara and Baldev. Don't just read them... apply them. It could transform your relationship.

1. Fighting is overrated

When you fight dirty in a relationship you surrender control of your behavior to your circumstances and your emotions. You become a victim to life, and victims forfeit any ability to choose love, peace, or kindness.

Emotionally intelligent couples take ownership of their thoughts, feelings, actions and moods. They don't blame other people for how they act or how they feel. And when they do feel strong emotions, they have the fortitude to avoid acting impulsively and instead act with kindness.

2. Loving your in-laws is important

One of the most common sources of contention in a committed relationship is the in-laws. Respecting and balancing the needs, wants, and traditions of two (and sometimes more) sets of parents can get really complicated really fast.

To handle this transition Iskara spent a lot of time with her in-laws, even without her husband present. When her parents raised a complaint she explained, "I've been your daughter for 27 years. I've been their daughter for only a few months." She understood that creating a positive and loving relationship with her new parents would only create more freedom and connection for her family in the future.

Become friends with your in-laws. The more they love you the less threatened they will be that you're stealing their baby away from them, and the more understanding they will be when conflicts arise in the future.

3. You're happiest when the person you love is happiest

I know it's cliché to say, but it seems to be consistently true for every couple I've interviewed... when you live as if the happiness of your partner is a priority over your own, you will find incredible joy and satisfaction.

When you go into a relationship thinking only of what you can get out of it, the relationship will not work. The trick to experiencing satisfaction in a relationship is to give up worrying about what you'll get out of it, and instead worry about what you can put into it.

How can you be the greatest contributor of peace, happiness, excitement, and fun in your partner's life? Seriously... ask yourself that question, then take action.

Love isn't love if it's only given with expectation of reciprocation.

4. Complimentary vs. Compatibility

Compatibility is overrated. We put so much emphasis on having common interests, hobbies, and beliefs. To be honest, it isn't all it's cracked up to be... at least not for everyone.

Rather than searching for someone who has everything in common with you, why not consider appreciating someone who brings you balance and pushes you to experience the world in a new way? It's good to have someone in the house who is great with finances, or an amazing chef, or can fix anything with a little wire and duct tape, or who brings a sense of humor to the table... especially if the other person lacks those strengths.

It's fun to have things in common, but it's vital to appreciate and value your partner for their differences.

5. Change means you get to fall in love all over again

People change. It's a fact of life.

You (and the ones you love) are constantly influenced by your experiences, your community, your choices, and your circumstances. You are never the same today as you were yesterday.

To some this is a scary prospect. "What if we grow apart? What it life takes us down different paths? What if things change?"

It is nearly impossible for fear and love to coexist.

Rather than fear change, embrace it. Without change, love stagnates. Look at it as an opportunity to fall in love with a new version of the same person over and over again.

What did you learn from this week's podcast? Did it change your thoughts on arranged marriages? How much of your ability to love is purely based on choice? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

We're launching a 30 Gratitude Day Challenge on July 1st! Want to get the challenge emails sent to your inbox every day? Fill out this little form here:

Here's the tunage from today's episode:

5 Simple Rituals That Keep Passion Alive

This post was inspired by this week's awesome podcast with Liz and Ryan. You should check it out to learn more about how awesome rituals can make an awesome relationship even more amazing:

On a scale from 1-10, how is your love life? Many people, maybe even most people will answer between a 6 and 8. I'd say a solid 7 would be considered acceptable, livable, and even relatively enjoyable for most people. Liz and Ryan are my kind of people.

Kiss for 10 Seconds or Longer

Kissing is awesome.

Remember your first kiss? The nerves? The anxiety? The excitement? The tingle from head to toes? (I hope it wasn't just me that experienced the tingle...) There is just something special about a good kiss.

Kissing releases endorphins, helps reduce blood pressure, fight cavities, and reduce the pain of headaches and cramps. It's even a barometer for sexual compatibility. (Source)

Yet, as amazing as kissing is, many people often allow the kiss to be replaced by the peck (gross). A peck is something you give your grandma, not your lover.

Pecks to not lend themselves to passion.

Make a pact to choose passion in your relationship by committing to kiss for 10 seconds or longer every day. When you part ways, kiss each other like you'll miss each other.

Trust me, do it for a week, and your love life will begin to transform.

Get Dressed Up

The more we work for something, the more we appreciate it.

One of my favorite things to do is mow the lawn. I'm meticulous with the lines I leave in the grass. I make sure to switch up the direction I mow every week to get the optimal cross-hatch pattern.

I put in all this work, because when it's all done, I can turn around and look at that luscious landscape and enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I get a very similar situation when I have a good shower, slip into a suit and tie, and take a lady out on a date. When I put effort into my appearance, I'm more thoughtful about how I show up for her. Getting dressed up gives the evening  an air of specialness and romance.

Make it a point to dress up for each other every once in a while. Granted, snuggling in your PJs has its place... but sometimes I wonder the difference it could make if we put a little effort into ourselves for each other a little more regularly.

Make A Fuss Over Each Other

Do you know what I get excited for?

Whatever I want to get excited for, that's what.

Some of my favorite moments in a given week are when I make a fuss out of simple things... and the best part of it? Getting excited about something (or someone) is 100% a choice.

You can get excited when they call your number at In 'N Out Burger. You can get excited each time someone walks in the door at a party. You can get excited whenever the garbage man picks up your trash. There is a lot in life to be excited about...

But nothing is more worthy of excitement than love.

You can find reasons every day to make a fuss over each other. Make a fuss every time you see your mate for the first time in a day. Give a cheer every time your significant other says your name, or does something kind for you. Celebrate how lovely they look, and make it a point to compliment them on your favorite features every day.

People get excited about you when you get excited about them. Make a fuss over each other. It's so easy. It's 100% a choice. It makes every day a little more fun, it makes love a little more passionate, and it makes life a little more awesome.

Schedule Sex

Ugh, boring! Why on earth would you put sex on your calendar like an oil change, or a business meeting?

Yeah, don't do that.

Put sex on your calendar... and then give yourself a reminder 24 hours in advance to begin the foreplay. Shamelessly flirt with each other for days leading up to your special appointment. Send sexy texts, or erotic emails. Tease each other mercilessly.

The point of scheduling sex is to make sure the important things are a priority (and yes, sex should be a priority).

If you treat it like a business meeting, it will feel like one. If you use it as an opportunity to connect, flirt, and pursue each other, it can be an amazing tool for experiencing electric passion in your life.

Turn Off Your Phone

Nothing says "You're not important to me," like your partner constantly looking down at their phone.

I've realized lately that I have this issue... so I've begun to turn my phone off, leave it at home, or put it in another room when I'm with people I love.

If you want more passion in your relationship, turn off your damn phone.

Got your own rituals to keep passion alive in your relationship? Leave them in the comments! I'm collecting them, because I think they're awesome.

Episode #43 - Amazing Life Together with Liz and Ryan

Amazing Life Together

On a scale from 1-10, how is your love life?

Many people, maybe even most people will answer between a 6 and 8. I'd say a solid 7 would be considered acceptable, livable, and even relatively enjoyable for most people.

Liz and Ryan are my kind of people. They decided that there is no place in their life for a mere 7/10.

And so, they started their project, Amazing Life Together. Together they are talking to experts, interviewing real couples, and opening up the kimono to share their own story on their journey to a 10/10 relationship.

Here's their recent feature on my favorite YouTube channel, SoulPancake:

Grateful for Cancer

Here's a great example of the stories they're telling. Is it possible to be grateful for something like cancer? Can you be better off because of your trials, and the obstacles you face together? This couple thinks so:

For more amazing stories, documentaries, and blog posts, check out Amazing Life Together. And don't forget to listen to Liz and Ryan's amazing episode (embedded at the top of this post). Support their mission to fill the world with amazing marriages.

Follow Amazing Life Together on Facebook, Youtube, Twitter and Instagram.

Click here to join the Amazing Life Together 30 Day Challenge!

Also, don't forget to download last week's full-length episode with Seth and Kim for $1. All proceeds go to support the Anasazi Foundation, and to help keep Loveumentary's doors open!

There Are 2 Ways To Get What You Want...

I talk to people about love and relationships every single day, and I've noticed that people get the love they want in two different ways...

Manipulation

The first group of people use guilt, bargaining, rationalization, and manipulation to get what they want. There is always a good reason why what they want is more important than what their partner wants.

"You spend all your time at work. I never see you. It's like we're not even married anymore."

"I guess I'm just a terrible husband. I never do anything right."

Phrases like this plague relationships everywhere. Couples use their partner's weaknesses and emotions against them.

Couples who use manipulation against each other typically get what they want... but never at the same time. One person is always losing while the other selfishly takes their winnings.

There is a better way to get what you want.

Inspiration

Rather than scheming and plotting and seeing your mate as an obstacle to getting what you want, you can inspire them with your vision, and your kindness. When they see and understand the beautiful future you want to create with them, they will become your greatest advocate rather than an obstacle to your happiness.

For example, rather than saying, "We never spend any time together anymore." Why not tell your partner the type of relationship you envision.

"Can I share a vision I have for our relationship? I envision us being excited to see each other every day. Every time you walk through the door, I want to have a celebration for my love for you. I believe we can be the type of couple who connects meaningfully every single day. Does that sound like something you'd want too? What kind of relationship do you want to create? What can we do to create that together?"

Inspiration is a much more powerful motivator than manipulation, and the beauty of it is that you BOTH get what you want.

If you seek change in your relationship, envision your ideal reality, get your partner invested, then create it.

10 Steps to Clean Fighting With The Person You Love

Ground Rules for Fighting

Every couple fights... but how you fight is a HUGE factor in your likelihood of staying together.

Fight clean, stay together. Fight dirty, not very likely.

There's good, clean fighting and there's dirty, underhanded fighting. I love Ze Frank's rules for a good, clean fight... and so I decided to share them with you:

No hitting, pushing, shoving, or any other kind of physical altercations.

That is bad. Always.

No swearing.

Swearing should be reserved for exclaiming about how large a poop is, or how hot it is on a particular day.

No overarching awful generalizations about a person's character.

Generalizations are generally kind of crappy... things like "You always..." or "You never..." Try to stay focused on the content that started the argument in the first place.

You should realize there are actually 2 arguments going on...

One is a feelings argument, and one is a content-specific argument.

Sometimes when the feelings part of the argument gets very very intense, it's probably best not to stay focused on the content, and just deal with the feelings part. For example: Let's talk about the schedule for who makes the bed later on. Right now, let's focus on why you're getting so angry about it.

Allow yourself when things get crazy-heated to have a timeout.

15 seconds to 15 minutes. No judgements. Just walk away. Calm down. Then get back into it when you can. When we become emotionally flooded, we go into fight or flight mode, and instincts are to either retreat, or attack. We lose touch with our sense of humor, and the ability to be empathetic. Take time to calm down.

Don't threaten to leave just for leverage.

That's a playing card that will lose its value quickly, and sour the relationship quite a bit.

Don't use your partner to fight past battles.

If you find yourself saying things like, "You always make me feel..." and you can trace that feeling to past relationships, well, it might be on you.

Hear what the other person is saying.

Repeat back exactly what the other person said. Sometimes, especially when fighting, we hear things that are not said. Try not to fight with what you think the other person is thinking. Otherwise you're fighting with yourself... which is going to turn into a long fight.

Learn how to apologize quickly and in the moment

Sometimes the wrong thing slips out of your mouth. If you can't think before you speak, at least be thoughtful enough to apologize after you speak.

Use the Intent Sandwich

When you have something difficult to say, start with clarifying the intent. "The reason I'm telling you this is that I care about our relationship, and I love you very much. It might be difficult to hear, but hiding it from you would be more damaging than telling you."

What rules could you adapt into your fighting style?

Episode #42 - Marriage Isn't For You with Seth and Kim

Click the shopping cart in the upper right hand corner of the audio player or click here to purchase the full one-hour interview!

Why Wait? Grab a Snickers.

We live in a world of instant gratification.

Bored? You've got Angry Birds and CandyCrush at your fingertips.

Hungry? Your food can be ready for you to eat in less time than it takes to drive up to a window and pay for your meal.

Horny? Porn is just a mouse-click away, not to mention Tinder and Craigslist are teaming with people looking for a casual hookup.

Netflix and Hulu give us instant TV shows and movies. Spotify, GrooveShark and RDIO give us instant access to our favorite songs. Instagram, Twitter, Vine and Facebook... they give us instant social validation and approval with a quick double-tap, up-vote, or like from friends we never talk to.

My generation has ben dubbed "The Selfie Generation," and I believe that title doesn't just reflect our propensity to extend our arm and pull faces at our cell phone without any explanation in public. It's because we have been bred to be outrageously selfish.

Why So Selfish?

I've been thinking a lot about selfishness lately, and how attached selfishness is to instant gratification. I'm convinced that most of us are not consciously selfish. The desire for instant gratification comes from the need to fill a void, or to escape from pain, self-loathing, loneliness, shame, awkwardness, nerves or even our own thoughts.

We feel like if we can escape these feelings, their absence will leave us in a state of love.

We have been duped into believing that at the end of their pursuit of instant gratification we will find love. The sad irony is that love - true love - does not ever coexist with selfishness.

Love cannot be found on a screen, in a bottle, or on a plate. Love is something that is created by setting down the phone, turning off the computer, setting aside the bottle, and meaningfully investing in yourself and others.

Love is created when you stop trying to escape life, and start serving, uplifting, and living for others.

What are you using to escape your life?

What's your escape? What are you using to fill the void that love could occupy? Is it shopping, or romantic novels? Maybe your'e addicted to work, alcohol, pills, or other substances? Do you get phantom vibrations in your pocket when you leave your cell phone in there for too long?

Everyone has an escape... and inside of every escape is space for more love. Is your escape worth it?

Check out Seth Adam Smith's new book, "Marriage Isn't For You, It's For The One You Love."

You can also check out more of his writing on his personal blog, and on his website, Forward Walking.

The full length episode for purchase will be coming soon (as soon as it gets approved by iTunes).

Thanks to Stars for the Intro Music:

And to Matty Blades for the Theme Music:

Avoiding Pain vs. Creating Love

In the quote above, I define the risk of love as the risk of vulnerably & openly being my True Self with another person. When I was 23 years old, I had a huge revelation about how I’d consistently approached relationships:

1. Meet cute boy & flirt
2. Develop crush
3. If cute boy shows interest, put up a wall: hide the parts of me I’m afraid he won’t like/love
4. Establish exclusivity [I rarely wasted time getting to this step]
5. Yearn for validation to prove I’m “good enough”
6. Arbitrarily only collect evidence supporting my “not good enough” beliefs about myself
7. Fear a break-up due to #6
8. Focus on everything he does “wrong”
9. Use #8 as evidence for why we shouldn’t be together
10. Break up with him [before he breaks up with me]

Wow. Toxic habits. Yet I’ve done it several times, and have seen the pattern repeated in countless other people & relationships. And afterward, we often have the gall to say we “gave it a try.” Wait, what? How are we defining giving it a try?!

Well folks, here’s what I think: we tell ourselves that we want true love, but in reality, we just want to avoid pain. Our fear of being truly seen (authentically vulnerable) can be so gripping that we would rather a) put up a wall and push the other person away, because at least that way we feel “in control” of the situation, and we feel “less hurt” if we are the rejecters and not the rejectees; or b) pretend to be somebody we’re not, just to feel loved by the other person.

After my revelation, I decided to finally tear down my walls and FULLY commit to my boyfriend (who is now my husband). I couldn’t believe what a difference it made, both in myself and in our relationship. I finally made the choice to be my wholly authentic self with him, “the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

It was hard. And very very scary. “What if he hates the real me?” I was showing him sides of my personality that I’d never shown anyone before. I had no guarantees that he would love me for all of my silly quirky craziness…but I finally chose to take the risk because I decided the following:

I would rather be my True Self with him than be in a sham relationship where I put on an act and hide different parts of myself from him. I will actively choose to come from a place of love instead of fear.

Quite frankly, a relationship built on hiding & acting is just too much work! And for what? To only be partially seen/known/loved? No thank you, not anymore.

After tearing down my remaining walls, I felt truly free in an intimate relationship for the first time in my life. I finally understood what it meant to be my 100% in a committed loving relationship, and it was INCREDIBLE.

I’ll admit, to this day (5 years later) I have been known to briefly slip back back into wall building -- I had done it for so long that it became my conditioned response to feeling ashamed of myself. But over time, with committed & consistent efforts from both of us to continue being vulnerably authentic, the walls don’t come up NEARLY as often, and they’re always broken down within minutes (if not seconds) of being built.

We have figured out how to be our True Selves with each other, and it’s truly magical. We are connected on a level that I didn’t even know existed, and our connection only grows day by day.

I know that it was worth the risk of loss, and I sincerely hope you know it is, too.

Here are some suggestions I have for how to continue choosing the risk of love:

• Be yourself. I know this is a very prevalent teaching in the world of transformational growth, and there’s a reason for that - IT WORKS. What is life for if not to be our authentic selves, sharing our gifts with the world?
• Check-in with yourself after having interactions with your love-interest (or really, with anyone): do you feel fulfilled, satisfied & content with how you showed up? Or did you feel ashamed of yourself at some point and attempt to hide it in the interaction?
• Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, and if you’ve hidden parts of yourself that you’re ashamed of, it’s understandable. Once you acknowledge it (with yourself AND the other person!), don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make a commitment to show up differently in the future. Life’s all about learning.
• Get clear. A lot of people don’t have clear intentions when it comes to relationships. Or perhaps their intention is clear and sounds something like this: “I’m in this relationship so you can validate me, because I don’t love myself” or “I’m so desperate for love that I’ll compromise who I am to get it.” I think it’s important to be intensely clear about your deepest intention in choosing to risk love, and make sure it is coming from a place of love and not a place of fear/lack.
• Commit. Remember that love is both a choice and an action. Don’t give up on a relationship until you are sure that you’ve given it your 100% (whatever that looks like for you). You might be surprised at what being in a relationship with both people giving their 100% can feel like.

All the best on your loving adventures! :)

[jbox title="About Nicole Strack:" border="5" radius="15"]

Nicole is a personal growth blogger and a photographer. Her life’s mission is to live authentically, connect wholeheartedly, and share openly. She’s married to her best friend, and because of the love they’ve created, Nicole knows that true love is way better than the stuff of fairy tales. [/jbox]