The Art of Being Broken

Broken

Kintsukuroi is the art of repairing broken pottery with a lacquer resin. Its earliest origins can be traced back to 15th century China when an officer in the military sent back a tea bowl for repairs. It was returned to him, patched up and completely usable.

The Japanese quickly caught hold of the idea, and improved on it by adding the powdered gold to the lacquer.

These mended pots were so beautiful that people began intentionally breaking valuable ceramics just so they could be mended.

Not only did the golden veins in the repaired pottery add beauty, the broken pots were more valuable than they were when they were in their original, unblemished state.

Your Cracks Are The Source Of Your Beauty

You see where this is going…

You are like these pots. You gain value as you weather the hardships of life. Every time you chip, break, and shatter is proof of your value. It is through your trials, your imperfections, and your flaws that you gain your most valuable virtues. These “imperfections” are the evidence of your courage, tenacity, patience, love, and strength. They are proof of the lessons you’ve learned and the growth you’ve experienced. With each struggle, crack, and repair, you add to your beauty.

So often we see these “cracks” as a reason for us to be unlovable, unwanted, or unworthy. And yet, their existence is the exact polar opposite.

Your cracks are what make you so different from every human on the planet. Learn to love your cracks. They are the very source of your soul’s beauty.

[jbox border="5" radius="15"]This post was originally published as part of the 30 Day True Love Challenge. I'm planning to launch another challenge soon, but I felt I needed to share this today for some reason. I hope it finds the person who needs it.[/jbox]

Best. Valentines Day. Ever.

Holy crap, what just happened?!

You guys, I want to share a story with you that I haven't told anybody. The last week has been one of the most miraculous and mind-blowing weeks of my life.

A few days ago I was on my way to visit a friend. I stopped to fill up my car with gas, and my credit card was declined. I had gone over my credit limit. The day before I had paid a few bills, and realized that my bank account (savings and checking) had been completely drained. I literally had zero dollars and zero cents.

It was terrifying. I felt hopeless. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I already felt so inadequate, and now my dreams were collapsing on me, and that I had officially become a failure. I had reached the end of my rope.

A few days later, I woke up early in the morning. I hadn't been sleeping well lately, and I didn't want to waste my day. I plopped in front of my laptop not even bothering to put on pants, and started answering emails when I had a thought enter my mind. "You should try doing an AMA on Reddit." (An AMA, for those of you who don't know, is a sort of virtual interview where people can ask you anything they want.)

I tossed up a post about my quest to interview couples over the past year and a half of my life, and it exploded. Thousands of people asked questions about what I learned from interviewing so many amazing couples, what a great relationship looks like, and how this experience has affected me.

Within hours, other major websites started to pick up this story, and my life was suddenly transformed.

I share this with you because I don't know what you're struggling with right now. I don't know what craziness is in your life, or what burden you're bearing. You might feel like a failure like I often do. You might feel inadequate. You might feel like giving up.

Whatever heaviness is weighing on your heart. Whatever trial you're slogging through in your life right now... please don't give up.

Don't stop.

Keep moving.

I've learned once again that it is when you push through that last wall - the wall of abject poverty, or of emotional defeat, or of utter exhaustion - that something truly miraculous will be waiting for you.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement through the last year and/or week. Your support of me and this mission I've felt called to means more to me than you could ever imagine. I would have given up 1,000 times if it weren't for your love and encouragement.

I love you all. Really.

What About My Valentines Gift?!

Oh right! Sorry bout that. Maybe we should call it a President's Day Present?

I've been saving this interview for a special occasion. I think Valentines Day (or a few days after, in this case) is the perfect timing.

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages is one of my personal heroes. We got to sit down with him and learn about his marriage early on (I'll bet you didn't know he almost got a divorce...), and we talked a lot about what you can do to nurture your relationship BEYOND the 5 love languages.

A huge focus of the conversation was about forgiveness. Here's one of my favorite quotes:

I think that learning to apologize and forgive is a second fundamental. I deal with this in my book “The 5 Languages of Apology,” but the recent book’s title is “When Sorry Isn’t Enough,” because typically if people apologize at all, they say, “I’m sorry.” Well, for some people that doesn’t hack it. That doesn’t really communicate sincerity. So in that book we deal with 5 different ways that people apologize, and learning what the other person considers to be an apology, so if you’re going to apologize you can do it in a way that’s meaningful to them, and communicate sincerity to them.

And then the whole concept of forgiveness - that it’s a choice. You either choose to forgive or you choose to hold it against them. And if you choose to hold it against them, the relationship doesn’t go forward. If you choose to forgive them, it opens the door to the possibility that the marriage can continue to grow.

I hope you enjoy it.

Episode #38 - Dr. Wendy Walsh on The Value of Sex

The Price of Sex

(Excerpt from the podcast)

The price of sex has dropped from, in our grandmother’s generation, it was probably a year of dating, in my generation it was 3 dates. We had a thing called the 3-date Rule in the 80’s. Now the price of sex has dropped down to the barrel-bottom price of one well-worded text.

What it takes to grow a long term bond isn’t sex. It’s everything else! It’s communication skills, conflict resolution skills, empathy, compassion. It’s really hard to develop those when your brain is being assaulted with a dopamine rush not unlike the one you get from heroine that you get from a new sexual relationship.

Men can have sex with the same woman every week for 6 months and not like her any more after 6 months than they did on the first day.

Just because you're having sex, doesn't mean you're in love.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is internationally renown as the “Love Guru.” She was nominated for an Emmy Award for her work as co-host on The Dr. Phil spinoff, The Doctors TV show. She also hosts Investigation Discovery Network’s “Happily NEVER After,” as well as being part of Dr. Drew’s Behavior Bureau on HLN Network. On CNN and 9 Network, Australia, she breaks down the psychology of sex, love, gender roles, divorce, parenting and other human behaviors.

Check out Dr. Walsh's book here:

Intro music: Daft Punk - Digital Love

Outro Music:

What I Don't Want You To Know...

I Don't Want You To Know That...

I just finished reading a blog post that presented me with unfinished sentence that made me squirm uncomfortably in my chair.

The invited readers to complete the sentence: "I don't want you to know that..."

The moment I read and completed that sentence, my fears came crashing down on me. I felt like I was drowning emotionally - clawing my way to some invisible surface in the hopes that I might breathe in great gulps of calm and freedom from the crushing anxiety consciously weighing down on me. It was unexpected. I didn't realize there was so much I was keeping hidden.

I feel like you deserve to know some of my secrets. My (selfish) hope is that maybe through sharing, I might get some comfort and reassurance from you... and also that you might feel a little less afraid and alone in the midst of your things you don't want me (or others) to know.

The Loveumentary Makes Me Feel Incredibly Lonely

I started this project with the hopes that I would learn how to be the best possible future boyfriend/husband. I never imagined it would place me at the feet of some of the most amazing couples this world has to offer. I've had the privilege of sitting across from complete strangers at kitchen tables across America as they shared the most intimate details of their lives. In a little over an hour, I've laughed, wept, and cheered over the life stories of newly-made friends.

I have sat in the presence of true love. I've felt the overpowering, radiating glow of true care and affection between two (sometimes more than two) people. I've felt the electric heart-humming sensation of two people who are so mad for each other they haven't been able to keep their hands to themselves for decades.

I've had a front row to true love... and it's made me painfully aware that I do not have it.

Don't get me wrong, I would never take back the experiences of meeting all of these amazing couples, and learning from their years of wisdom and experience. But there are days - typically the days when I'm sitting at home trying to find a friend to spend time with on a weekend, and I realize that most of my friends are married or in serious relationships - where I wonder, "Will I ever get to experience true love for myself?"

I Want To Make The Loveumentary My Life

I quit my job over a year ago to pursue this project. Since then, I've blown through my entire life savings, moved into my parents' basement, and have taken a part time job as a taxi driver to keep the ball rolling. In the last year, I've sacrificed a lot... A steady income, a normal social life, and to some extent, even my health.

I want to make The Loveumentary my life. It's my baby. I've built the site, written well over 100 posts, recorded and edited all the podcasts, and tried hard to build a meaningful community where people can grow and experience more love in their lives.

But I'm scared that I'm going to have to give it up.

At some point, I have to make some sort of justifiable income (I'm working on ideas) or I have to walk away. Taking on a regular full-time job is terrifying. I don't want to go back to normal office life, sitting inside a carpet-walled cubicle for 8-10 hours per day. Sure, it would put money in the bank... but it would also rob me of the time and energy I need to help The Loveumentary spread like I dream it can.

It terrifies me to keep living in abject poverty, but it also terrifies me to give up this dream. I've come so far, but there is no finish line in sight. Every day I feel a combination of excitement and exhaustion. Stress and freedom. Clarity and confusion. Joy and pain.

I simultaneously want the craziness to stop, and never want it to end.

The thing that keeps me going is the constant support, the kind notes, the loving texts, and the uplifting messages I receive from so many of you. If I could live off of praise and gratitude, I'd have enough to last a lifetime. Thank you for that.

I'm Scared I'll Never Fall In Love

I just mentioned above that I've sacrificed a lot for The Loveumentary... much of that (not having a job, living in my parents' basement at 30 years old, etc) doesn't make me into the most desirable of bachelors.

I've told a few people about my fear of never falling in love, and they always respond with, "Oh Nate, don't worry about all of that. It will happen when the timing is right. You'll know when you meet the right girl."

Or they say, "How could you not meet someone? You are becoming an expert on relationships! You're destined to meet someone and have an INCREDIBLE relationship..."

I'll be honest, it's not really the idea that I'll never meet her that has me worried. I'm genuinely scared that everything I've learned over the last year about love, forgiveness, living intentionally, self-care, service, compassion, patience, kindness, and romance will get stuck in my head. I worry that I'm not going to be the quality of partner that I hope to be. I look at my past and I see how I've hurt amazing women that I truly care about. I've been selfish, shortsighted, and inconsiderate despite knowing better. I've closed up and shut down from fear. I'm scared that I won't be able to break the pattern.  I often wonder if my imperfections make me unlovable, and my baggage makes me incapable of loving.

I'm worried that after experiencing and learning from some of the most truly loving couples first-hand that I'll still be merely average.

Life is too short to settle for average, and I'm scared that my future is full of mediocrity... because I so often feel incredibly mediocre.

Now You Know

Now you know my secrets.

So, what are you scared to tell me (or others)? If you're comfortable, share your vulnerabilities in the comments. If the comments are too public, I'd love for you to drop me a line (loveumentary[at]gmail[dot]com) and tell me privately. We gain strength when we can share each other's fears and weaknesses. If there's anything I can do to help you, I will. I promise.

Episode #37 - Forgiveness and Sex with Ty and Terri

Forgiveness isn't fair. If somebody really hurt you, you don't want to let them off the hook because what they did was wrong. And if you have a high sense of justice, you think "I can't, because it's not fair." He hasn't suffered enough. He hasn't paid for his wrongs enough.

To enter a relationship is to court pain.
-Leo Buscaglia

If we truly desire to experience deep, soul-shaking, life-changing love, we have to drop our shields, tear down our walls, and let people into our hearts. To love is to constantly run the risk of being hurt. Loving is staring potential pain in the face without flinching.

Sadly, people who live this way - and love this way - sometimes get hurt. The hurts of the heart are often the most painful. That pain can be dangerous if you don't have the right knowledge and tools to help you recover from these hurts. Many people have opened their hearts to love freely and passionately only to be hurt, and react by building new walls twice as thick as before.

There is a secret tool available to us that will help keep us out of our Fortress of Solitude. That tool is Forgiveness.

Too many people withhold forgiveness because the person who wronged them hasn't suffered enough, or even acknowledged that they've done something wrong. They hold on to the emotionally-cancerous grudge as it slowly eats away at their happiness and consumes their lives. They don't understand the true purpose of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does far more for the forgiver than the forgivee.

Forgiveness is allowing yourself to move on. Forgiveness is letting go of the burden of a grudge. Forgiveness is not allowing someone else's choices to ruin your life. Forgiveness is acknowledging the imperfectness in us all, and chalking up mistake after mistake to being human. Forgiveness is a fresh start. Forgiveness is a clean slate. Forgiveness is a newly opened heart... a heart receptive to love and resilient to the inevitable pain that life unexpectedly hit us with.

Forgiveness is not fair, which is what makes it so beautiful.

Forgiveness is mercy winning over justice. It's love conquering hate. It's new life rising victorious over death.

Forgiveness, like love, is often irrational and counter-intuitive. It works when put into practice by the shamelessly optimistic. Forgiveness is often mistaken for a feeling, when in fact, it's a choice.

Those who never learn forgive will never have hearts open enough truly love... because, one forgives to the degree that one loves.

Who do you need to forgive? How can you forgive more freely? Can you forgive somebody even if the emotions of pain are still present? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments!

---

Here are some of the books referenced in the podcast:

Faith vs. Fear - Which Will You Choose?

I talk to people about relationships and love every single day. Recently, I noticed a theme emerging from these conversations over and over again. This theme is at the very heart of what prevents most people (including myself) from allowing ourselves to truly, deeply love and be loved. The issue faith... or rather the absence of faith.

The faith I'm referring to doesn't necessarily need to be rooted in religion. Rather, I'm referring to a more broad, yet deeply profound confidence, belief, and trust in someone or something that is completely uncertain.

Our fear-mongering society has beaten faith out of us.

The hope in humanity that this nation was built on has been chased out of us. We're scared of terrorists, tyrannical government, and trans-fats. We're scared of the hyper-religious, and atheists. We're scared of kidnappers, cancer, and pit bulls. We're scared of global warming, Hollywood, rapists, child molesters, and we're scared of love.

We're terrified that love won't last. We doubt whether we can remain faithful for a lifetime. We fear that our loving relationships will slowly turn into a passive aggressive grudge match, and arguments over taking out the trash, leaving dishes in the sink, and toenail clippings. We fear that things will change... and not for the best.

Every day someone asks me the question, "Is it worth the risk to give someone your whole heart? What if they leave/change/become abusive/take advantage of me/hurt me/cheat on me?

"Isn't it easier to play it safe? I mean, you don't have risk getting burned if you stay single. You can't be emotionally destroyed if you hold back just a enough, and don't fully open your heart.

"The person with the most power in a relationship is always the person who cares the least, right? I'd rather have control, safety, and certainty than be the one who gets burned."

It's conversations like this that make me realize how faithless our society has become. We have been trained not to have faith in each other. We know how easy it is for us to change our mind, and knowing that the love of your life can change their mind makes it easy to doubt love.

The interesting thing about faith is that it cannot exist without doubt (faith without doubt is certainty), but if we allow that doubt to get a hold of our hearts, it can twist our uncertain reality into something it's not. It will mutate into fear. Then we are faced with a choice, do we allow fear to take over and our faith to go right out the window? Or do we dispel the fear with a heavy dose of love and faith in others and in the world?

Fear and faith cannot coexist. One will always dispel the other.

You must choose between certainty and love, emotional safety and deep connection, complete control and vulnerability.

You must have the courage to make the more difficult choice to experience the greater reward. Faith in the face of uncertainty is at the very core of love.

What do you think? Has fear eradicated faith? Do you need faith to have a healthy relationship? What are ways you can cultivate more trust in others? Let me know in the comments section!

And don't forget to share this post if you liked it!

Episode #36 - Ty and Terri pt. 1

Favorite quote from this episode: You become what the most important person in your life thinks that you are. "At the end of Ty's life, I want him to be able to say, 'Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life - the best thing that ever happened to me - and that I'm a better man because of how she loved me.

The Art Of Loving

A while ago, I came across this Youtube video of a drummer in a wedding band. The band - like most wedding bands - was good, not great. The vocals were relatively tight. The lead guitar was hitting all his hammers and runs. But they weren't anything incredibly special or unique... and then I saw the drummer.

Seriously guys. The drummer!

This dude (Steve "The Mad Drummer" Moore) was playing the drums as if it were his last performance in front of a sold out crowd at Madison Square Garden. It was as if his drum sticks were determining the very beat of the earth's heart, and if he were to stop, the humanity as we know it would cease to exist. Steve wasn't playing the drums. He was the drums.

I couldn't stop smiling.

Seriously. Watch:

We all have a friend like Steve "The Mad Drummer" Moore. They are always the first person on the dance floor. They could turn a funeral into a party. They can talk to anyone. They will try anything. They dive in head first, and live life turned up to 11, and they do it all with a smile.

Ty and Terri love this way.

Listening to them talk about their relationship is like watching a professional mime play Charades, or Josh Groban sing Karaoke. They have mastered the art of love by falling in love with practicing.

Fall In Love With The Practice

There's something to be said about loving to practice.

When I was a kid I played the piano for over a decade. I got pretty good... but I hated to practice. My parents forced me for years to sit down at that piano for 30-60 minutes a day and pound on those keys. I got good enough to accompany choirs, and impress a few girls...

Then there was this girl who lived up the street. She LOVED the piano. She played for hours on end. She was in love with practicing. She could sit down and look at any sheet of music and make the melodies flow from that black box like some sort of musical sorcerer. When she played ragtime, you could see smoke rise from the keyboard. When she played the classics, you couldn't help but close your eyes and sway to the music. She didn't just hit the keys. She pulled emotions, and life out of them.

She was amazing... because she LOVED to practice.

When we asked Terri about loving Ty, she said this:

At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, "Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life - the best thing that ever happened to me - and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me." And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.

It's already obvious that Terri loves Ty, but what makes their relationship so incredible isn't that they love each other. Millions of couples love each other. The secret is that they love loving each other. They love practicing love on each other.

They love serving each other.

They love complimenting each other.

They love surprising each other, comforting each other, encouraging each other, touching each other, and bragging about each other.

Love is an art, and they are master artists because they've fallen in love with the practice. They refuse to settle for less than their best every day.

Are you in love with loving? What can you do to enjoy the practice of loving more fully? What did you think about Ty and Terri's interview? Please leave your thoughts, tips, and ideas in the comments!

If you want more from Ty and Terri, you can check out Ty's book "A Thousand Screaming Mules - The Story of Stubbon Hope and One Dad's Dream to Transform Kids' Lives"

Also check out Ty's podcast, Wordz from the Hood, where he and former Hope Center for Kids youth Frank Lucas, provide a window into the heart of life in the inner city for young people.

Episode #35 - Jay and Lara

How Are You Choosing To Show Up Today?

The difference between the truly legendary people who leave a lasting impact on this world, and the billions of merely average and "good" people, is how the legends decide to show up. Every. Single. Day.

One choice made over and over, every day - to show up - is what made Michael Jordan into the greatest basketball player of all time. It's what got Abraham Lincoln elected as President. It's how Steve Jobs turned his vision into a modern-day empire. The decision to show up, to fight with conviction, to inspire, and to do the work that nobody else is willing to do is what separates the excellent from the average.

This principle doesn't just apply to ideas, careers, and companies. It also applies to relationships... which is why most marriages are merely average. Truly legendary marriages require a consistent effort and dedication to showing up that most people are unwilling to commit to.

Marriage is a continual process. It's a re-commitment to each other. That it requires continual forgiveness, continual self-growth and examination.

-Lara Ward

After talking to over 100 couples about love, I believe that what we've allowed our society to deem as a "good" relationship is not good enough. We can change what is acceptable. We can raise the average. We can pull ourselves out of the mire of crap that we all too often get sucked into.

Can you really find a way to let the other person be who they are, and can you be who you are? But you get mired in all this crap. You get mired in all the little stuff, and the pettiness, and the day-to-day stuff. Sometimes you have to remove yourself if you can, and take a look at the big picture. What's the goal?...At the end of the day, if I made her life special, that would be pretty cool.

-Jay Ward

The greatest relationships are reserved for the people who are willing to dig deep, battle personal demons, and show up every day.

As Theodore Roosevelt said,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

What do you think? Has our society grown complacent when it comes to love? What does it mean to "show up" in a relationship? How can you show up better? I'd love to hear your ideas in the comments!

You can follow Jay and Lara's travels on Lara's blog here.

America’s #1 Threat: Marriage Quality

Earlier last week, a 10th Circut Court Judge ruled Utah’s amendment prohibiting same-sex marriage as unconstitutional. Not surprisingly many Utahans were up in arms over this announcement, while others celebrated in the streets. Utah is now the 18th state to recognize gay marriage, arguably making 2013 the year of marriage equality. As a 29-year-old straight single male, I found myself laying in bed the night of this historical announcement with the feeling that too many people are fighting the wrong battle.

For the last 3 months, I’ve been traveling across America interviewing 100 couples who are in love with each other. On my journey I interviewed the religious and non-religious. I documented stories of the rich and the poor. I stole glances into the lives of city dwellers, and country folk, doctors, lawyers, and artists. I saw first-hand how incredible marriage can be. And after talking to these amazing people, I have come to one very important realization:

Too many married couples have forgotten what love is all about.

I arrived home from my journey just in time to observe the backlash of the ruling. It surprised me how many people were passionately fighting to prevent others from getting married while their own marriages are merely an emotionless husk of a relationship.

Couples everywhere have allowed their marriages to turn into a glorified roommate situation. Date nights are a rare, and seldom involve any type of emotional connection or excitement. Couples have convinced themselves that their relationship should take a back seat to their kids, or finishing school, or work commitments, or church responsibilities. They no longer communicate in hugs and kisses, and instead choose passive-aggressive stares and sarcastic gibes. They exist in the same space, breathe the same air, and yet haven’t shared a real moment together in weeks, or even years. Their sex lives have grown stale as they’ve allowed the plague of busy, the drone of routine, and build-up of resentment to make them forget what they once cherished so deeply.

Marriage Equality is not going to be the downfall of our society. The real threat is a lack of Marriage Quality.

We, the single folk, need more role models and examples of what happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships look like. We need to see husbands invest time and energy in their wives as if they were the most important thing in the world. We need to see wives adore their husbands more than blood-sucking characters from romance novels, or reality TV stars with 10 simultaneous girlfriends.

We need to be exposed to emotionally healthy couples who surprise each other with romantic gestures - who learn new things and fulfill lifelong goals together. We need proof that marriage opens up a whole new world of opportunity and growth that can’t otherwise be experienced.

In short, we need someone to show us that marriage truly is better than being single.

It’s time to raise the bar. Step up to the plate. Show us what marriage is meant to be.

You’ll do far more good in the defense of the sanctity of marriage by writing a love note to your spouse than you ever could by updating your Facebook status with impassioned, scripture-infused messages in an attempt to put your morals on display. Choosing to create and share a life of joy, memories, and love will have more impact than merely being that person who complains about the moral corrosion of our society or shaking a fist at ominous government leaders.

I truly believe the number of kids born to single parent households will drop if we stop focusing so much on who gets to get married, and instead have more examples of what it means to be happily married.

I’m confident that the fear of commitment that comes with cohabitation, and the irreconcilable differences that consistently receive the blame for divorce, would all but disappear if people allowed themselves to talk about how much they love their spouse, and not complain behind their backs, or refer to them as the “ball and chain.”

On behalf of single people everywhere who still believe in marriage but are quickly losing hope, can we please stop fighting about things that won’t change, and instead start fighting for the things that should?

And to those of you married couples who have something special, please make your voices heard. A generation of jaded cynics desperately needs you to show us the way.

Episode #34 - You Get What You Settle For with Jenna McCarthy

Just a heads up: This podcast contains adult language, including several "F-bombs." People with sensitive ears, be warned. Everyone else, prepare to laugh. Jenna is hilarious.

What does it take to have an amazing relationship? What does it take to not only avoid a disaster, but to rise above the mediocrity and complacency that has infected most modern-day relationships? Here are two tips from Jenna McCarthy that will help you elevate your game.

Be Yourself

"Be healthy and happy. You have to be the best you can be.

Be yourself.

My parents had a horrible marriage. They would get in a fight, and my mom would say, 'I will forgive you if you send me flowers once a week.'

So my dad would call the florist, give them his credit card number and say 'Every Wednesday, deliver this, or I'll be in the dog house.'

And then she would get her flowers and say, 'Look at your father! He gave me flowers!'

No! There's no meaning behind that. There's no love behind that. It's so disingenuous.

You want to be loved for who you are. You really have to like yourself. If you don't like who you are, nobody else ever will."

You get what you settle for.

You never ever ever ever get more than you settle for. Not ever. Not in any situation in life. Not in a job. Not in a hobby. Not in a relationship.

Are you settling for a relationship full of criticism, nagging, and impatience?

Are you settling for a relationship full of laziness, lack of connection, and disengagement?

Are you settling for a relationship of selfishness, constant arguing, and backstabbing?

Are you settling by playing the victim card? Are you expecting someone else to make you happy, or feel loved? Are you waiting for someone else to make the effort to make your relationship great?

You get what you settle for.

Instead, settle into a relationship full of forgiveness, encouragement, compliments, and growth.

Settle down with someone who will be an active participant in creating something meaningful every day with you.

Settle down with a partner, someone who you can trust will choose to be happy, healthy, and encouraging.

Choose to settle with someone who will fight for you, not with you.

You Get What You Settle For | The Loveumentary | Sunset Love by Jon Fife

Check out Jenna's website for her book trailers, her hilarious blog, and for more information on her books. Find her on the Twitters and the Facebooks too!

Here's Jenna's TED talk on what you don't know about marriage:

The intro music was Buttons by Sia... here's the video. It's awesomely strange:

Theme music, as always, is provided by Matty Blades. [/jbox]